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Every time I make a video about men abusing women, I get the same comments: "Women do it too." "Same goes for women." Listen - I'm not going to pretend women never abuse men. They do. They absolutely do. But saying "same" isn't accurate at all. The motives are different. The outcomes are different. The patterns are different.

Abuse is NEVER excusable. Woman hitting man is wrong. Man hitting woman is wrong. Cheating doesn't justify violence. Betrayal doesn't justify violence. Disrespect doesn't justify violence. It's not the natural outcome.

Women's abuse is often more reactive, situational, or tangled with trauma. Men's abuse is often systemic, proactive, and rooted in entitlement. Different motives. Different context. Different pattern.

Lisa Sonni
Stronger Than Before Coaching | Narcissistic Abuse & Trauma Bond Recovery Expert
Certified Trauma Recovery Coach specializing in evidence-based healing methods

Helping survivors break free from narcissistic abuse and trauma bonds through evidence-based recovery coaching and healing resources. Transform from surviving to thriving with proven trauma recovery methods.

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Trusted by over 1 million survivors worldwide. Providing expert narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, trauma healing resources, and transformational programs. Author of 4 bestselling recovery books and creator of the Break & Rebuild Method™ featured inside the Trauma Bond Recovery Course. Host of Real Talk with Lisa Sonni: Relationships Uncensored Podcast.

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⚠️ DISCLAIMER: This content is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not therapy or medical advice. Always seek professional help for your specific situation.

00:00 - Why Women Abuse Men vs. Why Men Abuse Women (It's Not the Same)
00:43 - Why I Don't Focus on Women's Abuse of Men (My Target Audience)
02:15 - Why Women Abuse Men: Power/Control Pattern
03:09 - Personality Disorders/Traits (Abuse Is Still a Choice)
03:37 - How Women's Abuse Looks Different (Weaponize Fragility vs. Intimidation)
04:29 - Men Can Do What Women Do and Vice Versa (But We're Talking Most Common)
04:50 - Reactive Violence (The Majority of Women's Violence)
05:41 - Reactive vs. Proactive: The Key Difference
06:30 - Men's "Reaction" Sits on Top of System of Control
07:19 - Violence Is Never the Natural Outcome of Betrayal
08:02 - If You're an Abusive Woman, You're Part of the Same Problem
08:36 - The Numbers: 1 in 10 Men vs. 1 in 3 Women
09:01 - "Lesbians Have Highest DV Rates" Deflection Debunked
11:21 - If Men Actually Cared About Lesbians, They'd Advocate for Them
12:16 - "Men Underreport" Argument (Women Underreport Too)
13:29 - Prison Data: Women's Homicide About Survival, Men's About Control
15:13 - Women's Abuse: Reactive/Situational; Men's Abuse: Systemic/Proactive
15:37 - Abuse Is Never Excusable (No Matter the Gender)
16:23 - Why I Focus on Women Abused by Men (The Global Epidemic)
17:04 - Rise and Rebuild Program: Stop Focusing on Fixing Him