Скачать или смотреть The Living Museum- Susan Spangenberg

In this video you will see some of the artwork I created at The Living Museum in NYC.

I started creating and self-harming at the age of three. I could not talk or communicate effectively for much of my life and that left Art as the only healing tool in my very silent world. The Arts were not present or encouraged in my home. Coming from an abusive household where I was the family caretaker, did not leave me any time for myself. I further isolated myself when I suffered the devastating loss of my twin brother Robert. I did not pick up painting again until my early twenties, while an inpatient at Creedmoor Psychiatric Center’s art/rehab program, ‘The Living Museum' in 1995.

I became the main subject of the HBO Documentary, 'The Living Museum' in 1999, directed by Jessica Yu. HBO funded the film based on my footage. Having second thoughts and pulling out of the film led to a rift between myself and the program's director, psychologist Janos Marton who physically manhandled me and threw me out of my studio, punishing me as a result. He worried about losing his position there and going back to work on the wards. There was a risk of the film not being made without me. At that point the Office of Mental Health and Creedmoor were on the brink of closing the program, until the promise of a film would bring them positive exposure to fix the leaky roof and keep the program open. Mr. Marton felt I should sacrifice myself for him and the other artists there. ('The Living Museum' was the brain child of its first Director, the late great Polish artist/actor Bolek Greczynski.)

For the record, I was treated well by HBO, the director, producer and film crew. Had I not been living at home with my parents, in better living circumstances, I would have remained in the film. It is the hospital staff I had a disconnect with.

Losing my connection at The Living Museum in 2001 was devastating for me. I spent ten years in my bedroom rarely going out or making art. Feeling a loss of community with my former art program, I turned to acting, writing and film to express myself. So began my journey of socialization and telling my story of physical and sexual abuse, racial identity, growing up with poverty, violence, parental alcoholism, and the death of my twin brother Robert.

Failed by the system after forty plus hospitalizations and five suicide attempts, I decided to pay out of pocket for a private therapist who changed my life. I spent thirty years in and out of mental hospitals. My story is reflected in my work, revealing the trauma that brought me into the mental health system, the horrors endured in the asylums and the insight and awareness that allows me to transcend and heal.

I will always feel and be a part of 'The Living Museum'. Though I tried to go back to The Living Museum, the powers that be would not allow me for decades since. No one can take this place or my history away from me. It is where I became a painter. I will always pay respect to it's founder, Bolek, a man I only know from his art and legacy. His quote is The Living Museum's mantra- "Use your vulnerability as a weapon.", which I continue to follow.