Charlie Manson Wishes You Happy Holidays - SOUTH PARK

Charlie finally understands what the holidays are all about and knows he deserves to go to prison. Charlie feels so good he sings a song about it.
"Merry Christmas Charlie Manson!" S02

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EXT. GRANDMA CARTMAN'S HOUSE - DAY
The policemen still stand ready outside of the house.
POLICEMAN
(Through megaphone)
Ninety marshmallow...
STAN'S MOTHER
Gas 'em!! Gas the whole house!!
POLICEMAN
Ninety-one marshmallow...
(To Chief )

This is making me hungry for
marshmallows.
(Through megaphone)
Ninety-two marshmallow...
Just then, the door opens. The policemen all cock their guns.
A small white flag appears from the door. Kenny walks out,
holding the white flag.
POLICE CHIEF
LOOK OUT! HE'S GOT A WHITE FLAG!!!
Everybody gets down and seeks protection behind their cars.
They start firing, riddling Kenny's body with bullets.
Kenny falls to the ground, dead. Manson pops his head out.
CHARLIE MANSON
Oh my God! They killed the little orange
coat kid!
KYLE
(Popping his head out)
You bastards!
Everyone comes out the front door holding up their arms. The
boys, The Cartman's and Charlie and Stan, side by side.
Slowly the policemen stand up.
POLICE CHIEF (cont'd)
They're surrendering!
The police all rush over to Manson and Uncle Howard. They
immediately tackle them, beat them up a bit and then slap the
cuffs on.
A few policemen jump on Kenny's dead body and start beating
him up and handcuffing him.
POLICEMAN 2
Alright you! Spread 'em!
Meanwhile, the police Chief arrests Manson.
POLICE CHIEF
You're going back to prison to rot,
Manson!

CHARLIE MANSON
Good. I deserve to.
POLICE CHIEF
What?!
CHARLIE MANSON
I can never make it up to families that I
destroyed, but at least I'll make an
example for anyone else thinking that
crime is an answer.
POLICE CHIEF
Stop that!
CHARLIE MANSON
You see... I get it now! I finally
understand what the holidays are all
about!! Boys, don't you see?
Kyle, Cartman and Stan look at Charlie.
CHARLIE MANSON (cont'd)
You can't let things get you down during
the holidays, because being happy is what
the holidays are all about!
KYLE
Charlie's right, I'm not gonna let some
fake Mr. Hankey spoil MY Holidays!
The filming crew turns its cameras on Manson.
CHARLIE MANSON
I've been such a bastard all these
years... And I finally understand! And
it... It feels great... I feel like I'm
in my own Christmas special! You see...
(SINGING)
HOLIDAYS ARE THAT SPECIAL TIME,
WHEN WE LAUGH AND SING
AND FEEL WARM AND COZY;
FORGET ABOUT BEING ANGRY FOR A DAY...
Everyone looks at each other and smiles. Elvin runs to
Manson, who picks him up.
CHARLIE MANSON (cont'd)
REMEMBER HOW IT FELT TO BE A CHILD,
OPENING PRESENTS ON CHRISTMAS MORNING...

THAT'S THE FEELING THAT WE SHOULD ALL
SHARE NOW;
They all stand together holding hands and swaying to the
music in front of Cartman's Grandma's house.
CHARLIE MANSON
SO I SAY HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY,
HOLLY, HOLLY, HOLLY, HOLLY, HOLIDAYS...
HAPPY, HAPPY, HOLLY, HOLLY, HAPPY,
LAPPY, LAPPY, LOLLY, HOLIDAYS...
HAPPY KWANZA TOO, FROM ME TO YOU.
CHARLIE MANSON
Happy Holidays you guys.
POLICE CHIEF
Happy Holidays, Bob.
POLICEMAN
Happy Holidays, Chief.
POLICE CHIEF
Come on, Manson, you belong in jail.
CHARLIE MANSON
You're darn right I do!
The policemen haul Manson off. Meanwhile, Uncle Howard is
being handcuffed by several other policemen.
UNCLE HOWARD
Well, I guess I'll be going, mom and dad,
I hope you can forgive me.
GRANDMA CARTMAN
Oh of course we forgive you, son. It was
nice of you to pop in for the holiday.
GRANDPA CARTMAN
Yes, now watch that ass in prison son.
UNCLE HOWARD
I always do. See ya, Eric. Thanks for all
your help.
CARTMAN
See ya, Uncle Howard. Thanks for being
such a great role model for me...
(To himself)

Piece of crap.
And meanwhile, Stan is standing with his parents.
STAN
I hope YOU can forgive ME too, mom.
STAN'S MOTHER
Oh, Stanly... let's just forget the whole
thing, and have a nice holiday back home!
STAN
Really?
STAN'S FATHER
Sure... We'll punish you AFTER the
holidays!
STAN
Hooray! I mean - wait - what?
REPORTER
And so, Manson is hauled back off to jail
to rot in his cell. Everything is back to
normal, and I guess the only thing left
to say is... God Bless us... Everyone.