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Coachella!
A place for morning beers and mid-afternoon heat strokes, the place I saw Prince and the place I learned about the nature of Bros. Coachella offers a range of Douche-Bags, sluts and enthrallingly amazing music unmatched by any other event held in Indio California...

Seriously though, Coachella encompasses the meaning of the term "It is what you make it"

It is— a shit show.

Coachella's staff has no fucking clue what's going on and the mass majority of attendees seem to be more interested in the over saturated Dub-Step and House Music Bro Zones— The Do Lab, Sahara Tent and Oasis Dome and girls with $4000 racks and $20 spray tans then they are in seeing any of the marvelous musical artists that play everywhere other then the aforementioned locations at Coachella. From world famous to happy with thirty sweaty loungers in the diminutive Gobi tent, the scope of acts is impressive in spite of the presence of bullshit glorified club music that gets meatheads laid. One might say this ignorance to talent is a shame or maybe a display of shallow culture but what I make of this is not only a chance to catch a large portion of my favorite musicians play live sets that I otherwise could not see. But also a chance to attend a weekend bender of an abrasive and complicated culture that I truly don't understand. In my time at Coachella I've learned some interesting things about Bros, I like to call these things "Bro-Laws" Like in any emerging culture, day to day Bro life interprets simple moral common ground into acceptable behavior for those who make that cultures sum. The common ground that seems to thread here is first and foremost, the need to be shirtless. My suspicion is that this is a multi-demential act that communicates at least one if not all three of these lower level commonalities I've observed. Only one of these must be shared by any other Bro for each Bro involved to approve the other for Bro-love.

The first of these three is to expose any tribal or urban looking cross tattoos they have in an attempt to show that they are educated and understand symbols.

Second— to attract top heavy orange colored roofy containers they call "Shorty's"

Thirdly bros by nature feel a strong need to challenge anything larger then them as they believe they will grow larger with every act of domination so by baring their skin like a dog might bare teeth to a man they fang to the sun itself saying "I'm big and dumb enough to not fuck with".

Okay at this point you're probably either wondering why anyone would want to go where these people are, or you're shirtless and Google searching "Coachella pre order tickets" but honestly I don't care either way because Coachella for me is better for it. Between the rich fucks that go for the scene. The $8 Heineken and $12 margarita chugging LA living Jersey Shore transplants and the butter-faced desert stiletto wearing fainting addicts, I find room to scavenge my proverbial cake and I eat the shit out of it too. Yes it also means that if I want to see the next up-cycled MGMT or a Bon Iver solo cover act posing as a original song writer then I get slammed with the side effects of recycled trend-ism. Luckily for me I don't want to go to those shows in the first place and during them I'll mosh to Lightning Bold while eating half a slice of pizza someone left for me in one of those free food boxes some idiot tried to tell me was a trash receptacle.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is yes Coachella is a bro fest and those that are not bros are generally tasteless sheep. The way that reads for me is that Coachella is paid for by a mass of people who take little to no advantage of what it has to offer leaving me to devour all the sweet and sticky while the bros and feather queens eat the pit.

-Bim Ditson