Nerves about starting school: the magic numbers

When a child is nervous about doing something new, we just want to make them feel better. Sometimes we are tempted to tell them why they shouldn’t feel nervous, but that is pretty hard to do and sometimes it just leaves them feeling like they are being “silly.”

That’s why I like this approach instead.

“It’s totally reasonable to be nervous about doing something new. I still get nervous about new things too. But, I do know now that you tend to get a bit less nervous the more you do things. Did you know about the magic numbers? The magic numbers are 3 and 10.

When you have done something 3 times, you will feel just a tiny bit better about it. When you have done it 10 times, you will feel that drop even more. You still might be nervous, but day 10 will be different to day 1.”

I like this approach for 3 reasons:

1. It is normalising. Rather than saying “Don’t be nervous.” It says “It’s ok to be nervous and to keep being nervous even on day 10. It will get better.”
2. It gives us a language to use. We can talk about how many days it has been, how the nerves are.
3. It can give a sense of hope and progression. It focuses upon the nerves gradually improving rather than completely disappearing, so if they do still feel nervous on day 10, they know that’s ok and can still see that it has got a little bit better, even if it’s not gone completely.

If you have found this useful or know someone else who would, save it or give it a share.

#anxiety #school #firstdayofschool #parenting

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