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December 1
Perfectionism
“In other homes, the children are like objects of perfection to be displayed alongside dinners centered on tables with fine fixtures, perfect posture, and orderly spoons and forks. Holidays and celebrations bring guests who compliment the parents for sparkling floors and perfect children.” BRB p. 37
A more subtle and powerful undercurrent in our alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional families was ever-present control, although the type of control may not have always seemed clear. Whether our houses resembled museums or they were well-cluttered, expressions of love may have been flowery and superficial and had strings attached. The essence of these dysfunctional expressions was not authentic, and we knew it.
The actual object of all the cleanliness or sloppiness, the pseudo expression of love, was inauthentic. Deep inside, our True Self saw that the real motive was the suppression of the possibility of admitting that things were out of control.
So we bought in and “acted out” this subconscious conflict to both avoid being ostracized and to keep our own feelings of being out of control from surfacing.
Gradually, when the sense of chaos crept into our consciousness as adults, and we hit an emotional, spiritual and physical bottom, we found ACA. In this humbled state, we are given the gift of recovery as we recollect the memories of our upbringing, admit our terror and grieve our losses.
On this day I will examine the control in my family and the effect it’s had in my adult life. I will practice the ACA program to help process the unexpressed traumatic fear and buried memories so that I may be free of control.