Bryan & Vinny review TNA iMPACT! January 2014

This month: Angle and Roode agree to fight in a cage. Dixie gets an urgent telegram. Madison Rayne is a new mother and can still do a suplex and neckbreaker. James Storm plays jealous girlfriend. Sabin wins the X Division title from Aries. Sam Shaw is a complete Dexter ripoff who is obsessed with Christy Hemme. As always in TNA (and AEW) the geek getting squashed gets offence. Beer Money reunite and beat Gungle. Eric Young is going to prove to Joe Park that he is Abyss. 2nd nutshot on the show. Bully Ray has taken a big step down. Magnus has a coronation and AJ challenges Magnus to a unification match; Dixie will allow it. AJ is not signed by TNA. Dixie makes the AJ, Magnus match a no DQ match. The storyline is the company sucks. If AJ wins TNA will never be allowed to have another champion. The BroMans beat up Joe Park. Eric Young carries ODB to the hospital. Storm and Gunner in a briefcase on a pole match. Welcome back Vince. EC3's winning streak is over but they won't count it. The biggest match of Angle's career will be his match against Roode in a cage. Gunner and Storm are assholes and they both get taken out. Bad Influence answer Angle's open challenge. 6 people have been laid out and Angle is smiling for pictures. Roode is careful not to get DQ'd in a cage match. Mr. Anderson and Bully Ray meet in a funeral parlor for a dramatic television moment. Magnus unifies the TNA Championships after AJ is outnumbered 9-2. TNA is the worst wrestling company of all time. Dixie is the champion of all our hearts. Half an hour of talking. An intergender lucha rules match between Team Dixie and the faces. Velvet is intrigued by Aries treating her like hot meat. Sam Shaw beats up Simon Diamond with a shoe. Bully Ray beats Mr. Anderson. The Angle and Roode cage match is postponed. Gail is not strong enough to body slam Madison Rayne. Madison wins the Knockouts title. Eddie Edwards and Davey Richard debut as the American Wolves. Spud is too strong for Sting. EC3 pins Sting again. Sting puts his career on the line against Magnus. An unknown investor is trying to trigger a hostile takeover. None of it makes sense. Magnus is a geek in storyline. Dixie is everywhere. A briefcase on a pole match - this should have been a clue. Storm does not get full possession of the briefcase - Gunner wins. Storm has missed workouts but not meals. Velvet pulls out a giant dildo gifted from Sabin. Aries wins back the X Division Championship. The Wolves are Twitter famous. Angle misses a moonsault off the top of the cage. TNA buries British Bootcamp. Abyss saves Eric Young - no Joe Park to be found. They are about to lose the cornerstone of their company when Sting leaves. They miss the 3-count on purpose in his final match. iMPACT! is live from Scotland. The BroMans and Zema Ion will replace AJ, Hardy and Angle. Who cares if Magnus loses the belt? The Wolves have wacky suits. Sabin tried to tweet Velvet and got dumped. Gun Storm are a team again. 8 million segments. Davey Richards is so short. 7 segments in a row get Bryan angry. MVP is the mystery investor. In Scotland a van is a limo. Shaw is voluntarily turning over his security footage to the iMPACT! producers. Good thing Christy doesn't watch TNA. Bully Raven. Samoa Joe is the new number 1 contender. MVP debuts.