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Through out 2024 My cheating Ex-wife used to whine about not being my queen or not being my wife anymore. I never said any of that. I would always say even a disgraced queen is still the queen. I am not sure how me saying she was still my queen got turned into me not trying or not caring. When I was writing this I remembered how even after all she did I still treated her like my queen, maybe I didn't trust her and she was disgraced but she was still my queen and I chose her until I was sure she would never choose me.
while I was writing I realized that throughout our whole marriage every time she spoke about her alleged trauma that she always claimed "I don't remember" but this happened. she would use those stories like levers to attempt to manipulate other people into feeling sorry for her. I do not believe she was ever a victim of any trauma. the only victim she knows is the one she is playing with. I think she ruined a mans life because she wanted to go to Disney land, she got caught then to, just not in the same way. I did some digging and what I found pretty much confirmed my personal thoughts about her and her trauma. I always say trying to make something happen usually makes the opposite happen. At every milestone in her life she attempted to force things and every time it always failed spectacularly.
She decided in December that she didn't want to keep up the charade of reconciling and because I wouldn't buy her lies about it she was going to just leave. she took my discovery of music and the approval I was getting for it to mean it was going to give me the ability to leave her.
the irony is I wrote the lyrics for "the only apology" in December and was planning to play it for her because she was always asking what I wanted her to say instead of the blanket apologies that basically blamed me for everything she did. Then she came home with a hickey on her neck after work and lied about it. That was the moment for me I guess where I realized she was never going to commit to me in anyway. yeah I know who gave it to her and when it happened and that she was at work supposedly working when she got it. her managers were covering for her so she had "time." It's funny now that she begged me to go hang out with her "friend" and her friends husband because I said I didn't trust her to go out alone. She asked me to go because she wanted to play bologna between them and wanted to build my trust so she could go alone. when that failed she got me to go back again and she kept acting weird and I thought it was because her friend was drunk and she wanted to build trust so she was keeping close to me. Fun fact she was acting abused so they would see how mean I am. I thought I was invited to cook dinner which I did. interestingly enough that girl got fired and my ex-wife dropped her like a hot potato, just like all her "good" friends at every single job she ever worked.

In 2024 she was my disgraced queen, in 2025 she is the single Queen of Disgrace.

#emotional #breakup #fyp #BlueCollarScholar #2024leavingitonthefloor