04 I am as you know exceedingly stupid

Roger Rees as Lord John Marbury in The West Wing episode 112 "He shall, from time to time."

CUT TO: INT. THE PRESIDENT'S BEDROOM - DAY
Bartlet and Leo are settled on the couch. Lord Marbury is across them.

MARBURY
You know, there are some marvelous flu remedies known in the certain remote parts of
the subcontinent. Licorice root, for instance, combined with bamboo sap and a strong
shot of whiskey. Ginger root, also, mixed with, uh, citrus peel.

BARTLET
And a strong shot of whiskey?

MARBURY
Yes, of course. In fact, you can throw out the ginger root and citrus peel, and still
be well in your way.

BARTLET
What have you got for me, John?

MARBURY
Well, um, after speaking at length this past week with your secretaries of state and
defense, as well as your joint chiefs and various embassy officials, I believe this.
Buy them off.

BARTLET
Buy them?

MARBURY
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
How?

MARBURY
Mr. President, for several centuries, my kingdom has ruled India with a stick and carrot.
When we had a particular problem with someone, one solution we would try is to make him
a maharaja. Thats kind of a regional king. We would pay him off with an annual tribute,
and in return, he would be loyal to the crown.

LEO
Lord Marbury, under our Constitution, our President is not empowered to create maharajas.

MARBURY
Yes. Thank you for clearing that up, Leo. Having been educated at Cambridge and the
Sorbonne, I am, as you know, exceedingly stupid.

BARTLET
John, please.

MARBURY
Youve been paying the world off since the industrial age. Foreign aid, during the Cold
War was you paying dictators to be on your side. To this very day, you pay Korea not to
develop nuclear weapons.

BARTLET
What does India want?

MARBURY
A computer industry, and for that, they require an infrastructure, and that is what you
can give them.

LEO
Why?

MARBURY
Its the price you pay.

LEO
For avoiding a war halfway around the world?

MARBURY
For being rich, free and alive all at the same time, and for the criminally negligent
behavior of your Congress in not checking the proliferation of nuclear devices.

BARTLET
Your friend, the prime minister?

MARBURY
Rikki.

BARTLET
Hes gonna go for this?

MARBURY
If its handled properly.

BARTLET
All right, you tell the ambassador well discuss this in three months. In three months,
John. I dont want this to be like quid pro quo.

MARBURY
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
Thats the carrot. Leo, whats the stick?

LEO
In the next 24 hours, we want to see recon photos of Indian divisions retreating. If we
dont, were gonna seize Indian assets and so will our NATO allies, and G-7s gonna call
in its loans.

BARTLET
They put command-control in the field, John, and were gonna get physical. You make damn
sure they know that.

MARBURY
Well, then, uh, I have my instructions.

The three of them stand.

BARTLET
Talk to the ambassador. I want Fitzwallace to have photos in 24 hours.

MARBURY
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. [leaves]