Скачать или смотреть Forced sharing doesn’t accomplish what we want it to (see Part One of this series), so what can we

Forced sharing doesn’t accomplish what we want it to (see Part One of this series), so what can we say instead?

👤Instead of: “Give your friend a turn!”
✨Try: “Your friend will let you know when she’s all done.”
💛Why it matters: She learns she doesn’t need to put the wants/needs of others before her own. She is important and what she’s doing matters.

👤Instead of: allowing your toddler to take a toy from the baby
✨Try: “Baby is playing with that right now. What can you play with while you wait?”
💛Why it matters: This is a great way to start to teach children that other people have needs of their own (“theory of mind”). Often we’ll just give the toy to the toddler because the baby likely won’t care. That’s a missed opportunity! “Learning to control behavior and express intense feelings appropriately is one of the main jobs of early childhood. Impulse control (waiting for a toy and not grabbing) is vital to brain development and gets stronger through practice.” (Shumaker, H. 2012. It’s ok not to share and other renegade rules for raising competent and compassionate kids. TarcherPerigee)

👤Instead of: saying nothing when the baby tries to take blocks from the child, while moving the baby away
✨Try: “Oh it looks like Baby wants to play with those blocks. I know you’re playing with them right now. What can we give Baby to play with while she waits?
💛Why it matters: The first two sentences show your child that their needs/wants matter. The last sentence (an optional add-on) is a great opportunity to practice/model empathy and thinking of others.

👤Instead of: “Share with your friend.”
✨Try: “It can be so hard to wait to use a toy. I get it. Your friend is using it right now. Let’s find something else to do while you wait.”
💛Why it matters: Their feelings matter, and it’s HARD to be patient! Children who are better at regulating their negative emotions tend to show greater empathic concern for others (Song JH, Colasante T, Malti T. 2017. Helping yourself helps others: Linking children’s emotion regulation to prosocial behavior through sympathy and trust. National Library of Medicine)

➡️ How do we encourage authentic sharing? See Part Three!