IELTS Essay (7-band), with analysis and rewrite to band 9

See a test takers sample essay that scored a band 7. The essay is analyzed according to the 4 criteria:

Task response (6)
Cohesion & Coherence (6.5)
Lexical Resource (7)
Grammatical Range & Accuracy (8.5)
Total: 7

Task: The cost of flying has decreased significantly over the last decade. This has made overseas travel much more accessible. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

You can also see how I rewrote this essay to get it to a band 9. See the essay at:
https://writetotop.com/ielts-toefl/ie...

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