Скачать или смотреть How family can affect a couple's attachment and connection Couples Coping 6

When couples have more family contact in a time of corona virus jealousies can grow. If one partner is suddenly unusually involved in their wider family, the other can feels left out and that they don’t matter and this can trigger fights. Two therapists talk about these challenges and how they impact differently on pursuers and withdrawers, how hard we find it to express our needs warmly and calmly and without blame. We explore issues of not feeling you matter, not counting, blame and shame , childishness, reproach, longings and connection, care-seeking and care-giving.

We use our understanding of attachment patterns to highlight coping mechanisms and how the couple when vulnerable can polarise between preoccupied/pursuer and avoidant/withdrawer roles, between an overwhelmed, anxious, angry, critical and complaining amplifier and a dismissive minimiser. We reflect on how fear impacts on a couple’s ability for closeness and connection, care-giving and care-seeking patterns. We explore issues of hope and false hope, closeness and distancing, denial and feelings of shame evoked during any couple crisis but in particular during the corona virus. We reflect on how the avoidant partner can be driven by denial and be drawn to behave in ways which are devaluing, dismissive and controlling and how this can trigger and provoke the ambivalent preoccupied spouse.

We reflect on the attachment relationship between husband and wife and civil partners and how this bond is impacted by lockdown for corona virus. We illustrate how hidden vulnerable feelings can drive rows and conflict, often with a critical pattern in one partner and a stonewalling pattern in the other. We hope that the video helps couples who are struggling with Covid-19 to re-establish connection.