Скачать или смотреть The 13th Warrior -- Movie Review

• The 13th Warrior (1999) -- Inconsistent disappointment that bombed for a reason, 2/10.

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~~ Review Script ~~
Adjusted for inflation, this historical-fiction action film is the single biggest box office bomb of all time, with estimated losses as high as $182 million, despite earning back 60% of its $100-million production costs. Released in August of 1999, this John McTiernan picture follows a Arab ambassador who is unwittingly embroiled on a quest to vanquish a mysterious beast threatening a Viking village. Wearing a bit too much eye-liner, Antonio Banderas stars as the title character, a confused... but capable fighter who magically learns a foreign language simply by eavesdropping on a series of campfire chats. His twelve companions are nameless meatbags, never given an introduction, explanation, or even a rudimentary personality. In fact, a full half dozen of them don't even speak. Instead, they collectively function as a single character... interchangeably assisting our protagonist as the plot calls for it. When Banderas complains that he cannot lift his large Viking sword, a disposable warrior laughably remarks, "Grow stronger." The only supporting actor worth noting is Omar Sharif in a minor expositional role, who was so disappointed with the finished production, he actually retired from acting temporarily. None of the players are outright awful with their performances, but the R-rated plot is so poorly constructed and confusing, I actually found myself reading the Wikipedia synopsis to follow-along. Even McTiernan's direction is surprisingly bad; impatient with its pacing, and unmotivated with frequent movement. The 103-minute story, based on a novel by the usually capable Michael Crichton, is a rather conventional one, despite its 10th-century setting. All this negativity notwithstanding, a sequence where our Arab hero and his Norsemen buddies fortify their position against an impeding invasion of deadly cavalry is a pretty exciting scene. When the battle finally does arrive however, it's executed with terrible cinematography, bad lighting, and an unseen enemy. Seriously, what good is a big-budget action film without a proper villain? That gigantic misstep mayn't be "The 13th Warriors"'s worst flaw, but it is perhaps the most obvious. In lieu of more ostentatious visual effects, the picture instead relies on believable costumes and set-designs to accomplish its period-accurate narrative. Jerry Goldsmith's loud score deftly incorporates flutes, drums, and a men's choir for a regal sound far better than this film deserves. As we're treated to beautiful landscape shots of what I presume to be the Black Sea, some poignant narration concludes the film. Normally, this would be a meaningful send-off to the characters, but instead you're left discovering the their actual motivation for the first time... with no desire to ever watch it again. A confusing plot, filled with forgettable characters, and uninteresting action... it's a few standout moments and concepts that save it from being a total disaster. At least this picture took a risk though, it may have failed miserably... but it's uniquely set 1,000 years in the past with virtually no American-actors in the cast. With the talented people involved, and a decently fascinating premise, this picture failed to live up to even measured expectations. Despite glimpses of real potential, "The 13th Warrior" is an inconsistent disappointment that bombed for a reason, I thought it was BAD.
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