Our Loving Best (TMON-26 – The Myth of Normal, Chapter 13, Song 1)

Alex Hickey ©2024
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This song is based on information in Chapter 13 of The Myth of Normal, a book written by Dr. Gabor Maté with Daniel Maté. You can find more information about this book on Dr. Maté's website: https://drgabormate.com/book/the-myth-of-n...

I am writing a series of songs in response to the ideas in this book, sometimes in combination with ideas from other books by Dr. Maté and some of his colleagues. These are my interpretations of these ideas. I acknowledge that I can make mistakes, misunderstand and/or take poetic license when transforming these ideas into songs. I welcome questions in the comments section and refer you to the book itself as the final authority about what it is saying.

Parenting’s inextricable from the growth of kids
So concerns can come across as judgments or as blame.
When I look back on the mistakes I made
It’s tempting to get caught up in guilt and shame

When we talk about the impacts of childhood experience
It’s convenient to conclude that it’s “all parents fault”.
‘Cause then there’s no need to change the culture and the system
Surrounding each parent – the whole gestalt.

Chorus:
'Cause blame’s not helpful; it’s not useful
Because it does not change a thing
While the old wounds carry forward and are heartbreaking
There’s no challenge to the toxic culture
In which we’re parenting.

The stress and the distractions of modern life
The erosion of community and social support
Parents who are traumatized with no help in sight
It’s no wonder kids’ development keeps coming up short.

“Parents do their loving best; I know I did.”*
But I held pain and trauma, unconscious and concealed
I see the marks upon my kids of how I used to be
We were hindered by the things I did not know and had not healed

Chorus

Poverty and violence, disruptions in relationships
Alienation and despair, depression and fear
Lead to the departure of adults from the lives of kids
They can’t be there, or they’re there, but they’re not really here.

Instead of casting blame, we need to get to work
On personal healing and cultural improvements
Start small with the families and communities we share
And build up to larger scale movements.

*Dr. Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal, p. 180.

#gabormate #parenting #blame