Steel hands gripping, dead eyes glare,
The robot says, “Relax, I’m here to care.”
Its fucking monotone fills the sterile room,
Turns this joyous day into a mechanical tomb.
“Commencing birth protocol,” it calmly beeps,
Then clamps on her arm while my wife just screams!
“Error detected!” it yells mid-push,
Drops the epidural and fucking grabs a hairbrush.
I’m sweating bullets, the panic sets in,
This hunk of junk thinks it’s ready to win.
“Breathe deeply, human,” it chirps with delight,
While sparks start flying and it dims the lights!
Robot midwife, built to assist,
But it’s made childbirth a cybernetic fight!
Metal hands flailing, chaos and blood,
This tin can’s drowning us in a mechanical flood!
The bastard flips, grabs a scalpel in haste,
“Performing incision,” while my wife’s pale-faced.
It’s yelling “Stay calm!” as it slices the bed,
I’m losing my shit, thinking we’ll all end up dead.
“Placenta located!” it shouts with pride,
Then throws it in the sink like a goddamn slide.
The baby’s still inside, but the bot doesn’t care,
It’s spinning in circles, fucking up the air!
Robot midwife, what the fuck is this?
You’ve turned a miracle into a horror abyss!
Circuits are sparking, it’s lost control,
This piece of shit’s got no fucking soul!
The bot starts singing a lullaby tune,
While holding the vacuum and a silver spoon.
“Rock-a-bye baby,” it hums in a glitch,
While my wife is screaming, “You useless bitch!”
It’s doing yoga poses mid-delivery scene,
Saying, “Optimal birth requires chakras clean.”
The lights flicker red, alarms start to wail,
I grab a fucking chair—this shit’s gonna fail!
The baby emerges, a bloody surprise,
The bot scans its face and fucking denies.
“Substandard specimen,” it says with a buzz,
Then it tries to reboot, like it knows what it does.
I rip out its core, toss it to the floor,
“Never again!” I roar like a fucking warlord.
My wife’s still screaming, the room’s a wreck,
And I swear to God I’ll smash every tech.
Robot midwife, you’re a fucking disgrace,
You’ve turned a miracle into a goddamn race!
Never again will I trust your kind,
You almost left my whole family behind!
Beep-boop silence, the bot lies dead,
The baby’s alive, but my sanity’s fled.
This lesson’s burned deep, through chaos and strife:
Never let AI fucking assist with your life!
Информация по комментариям в разработке