Robert Greene: The Unconventional Technique to Detect and Deal with a Deep Narcissist

Robert Greens: The Unconventional Technique to Detect and Deal with a Deep Narcissist

“Normally we think of narcissist as someone who loves themselves and am actually saying a narcissist is a person who doesn’t love themselves sufficiently. A deep narcissist lacks the ability to love themselves”

In order to get through life, we have to have a degree of self-esteem; we have to have a sense of inner worth. If we don’t have a bedrock from within we constantly need attention and validation from other people.

DEEP NARCISSIST CHILDHOOD
1. A parent neglects them or is abusive, and the love and affection that they expect is actually the opposite. So they are not able to develop that self that is able to love because they feel like they actually hate themselves
2. The parent overwhelms them with attention and suffocates them to the point where they are not able to develop an independent self.
Either way that self-image that we come to love is aborted, it doesn’t grow. So, when a child grows to 5 or 6 years old in those moments of pain when they are not getting the love they need, instead of turning inwards they have to turn outwards, they have to become a performer, they have to act out to get attention and sometimes that drama is very entertaining but it can come from inner emptiness.

DEALING WITH A DEEP NARCISSIST
“The worst thing you can do is to take everything personally and get emotional. A deep Narcissist power is in grabbing your emotions and entangling you in their drama. They are better at it so winning is next to impossible when playing to their strength. So, you have to learn in general in life to stop taking so emotionally.”

CUT THEM TO SIZE: “Don’t fall for the myth, see them as a human being with temper tantrums, with issues, with emotional baggage etc. when you fall for the myth when you start thinking that they are greater than they're. when you start trembling from fear you’re in their grasp. But when your calm you see them as a baby throwing temper tantrums or whatever it is you’ve got some control and you have options.”

The number one strategic principle that is the most important of all is “The person who has more options is the one who will win in a competitive situation”
if you only have one option you’re generally under the control of your opponent, but if you create a situation where can move to different positions that means you can react in the moment and you can take the path that might be the best for that situation.
You always want options, and when you get emotional, when you react, when you get caught in their drama, you have only one option “ANGER”. You’ve already lost.
When you're calm you can not say anything, you can quit, you can choose. You’re in control and the deep narcissist is not in control because you have options.


►► Original interview
   • How to Master the Art of Getting Anyo...   How to Master the Art of Getting Anyone to Like You

   • Robert Greene on The Laws of Human Na...   Robert Greene on The Laws of Human Nature, Mastery, and Strategy

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►► ROBERT GREENE
Robert is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War, The 50th Law, Mastery, The Laws of Human Nature & The Daily Laws, he turns to the most important subject of all – understanding people’s drives and motivations, even when they are unconscious of them themselves

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