As I spend my last seconds alive, I feel guilty. I feel ashamed for never again being able to share my love, share my happiness, share my sadness, share my pain; I’ll never be able to give again. This feeling of indecision is born from my refusal to die. I don’t want my story to end yet.
As I fight to stay alive, pain seeps through my veins. My body screams at me to let go, yet I cannot stand to be away from it all. This can’t be where my story ends.
I think back to when I was young, innocent and happy. Everyday felt like driving with my head out the window, free as a bird. My home will always be where I was born.
Everyday since leaving that home felt like another day to get through. I never felt solid, I wasn’t sure if I was okay or if I was on the verge of caving in. I held onto each day hoping to feel at home again soon, but I wasn’t sure when that day would come. I constantly felt like I was in the dark.
I left that dark hole to search the other side. I let loose again, had fun, and enjoyed life. I caught a glimpse of home again. I saw life for its light, and its eternal infinity, even if it was just for a minute.
I didn’t understand it. Nothing made sense. Life felt so encompassed by darkness that it felt hard to be happy. It felt hard to love. It felt hard to feel hope, yet I still could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t want to believe what I was doing had a point, because it felt inconceivable. I only existed to be. To cry, to feel grief, to feel pain.
I find meaning in my existence through my time in the light. Even if reaching for the light felt unreachable, did it truly matter when I could always see it in view?
Maybe I’ll never reach that light, if I’m dead or alive. Maybe I spent my whole life in the dark, grasping for any chance to reach the outside. I may never reach eternal bliss, and may be stuck in pain forever. But at the end of the day, none of that matters. Life is a match between light and dark, and I cannot circumvent that.
If I look into the sky, I know the sun will still be at night, and I know the moon will still be at day. When they meet, it’s a reminder of life. As I accept my fate, I find comfort in the eternal light and dark of life. With the dark, and with the light, I finally feel happy.
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0:00 - Singularity
1:45 - Transilience
4:08 - Expansion
6:14 - Commissure
8:37 - Contraction
11:31 - Paradox
14:03 - Solstice
17:00 - Equinox
19:16 - Reflection
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Chronological song list:
• Eclipse - 2025 Year End Megamix | Full Son...
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Alphabetical song list:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11...
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DL:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HDn0...
Instrumental DL:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fXAZ...
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Thank you to Roxxmixx for all the help on this mashup, helping with the titles, footage, and blacking out some of the faces in Commissure. I'd recommend finding them as they are going to upload a very large and great K-pop year end soon.
Thank you also to We11b for helping me download all the footage, and also blacking out some of the faces in Commissure.
Thank you to both Joseph James and Nickness for listening to the audio while it was in progress.
Lastly, thank you to Adamusic for being the main reason I started making mashups and one of the main reasons for my journey into music production.
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Audio, video & thumbnail by Justify
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I use primarily FL Studio and Ableton Live for audio, DaVinci Resolve for video, and Krita for image.
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FOLLOW ME ON:
/ @jinjinjinjinjinn
/ jinjinjinnjinn
/ jinjinjinnjinnn
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