Why Is My Ex So Resentful?

Clay Andrews answers the question "Why is my ex so resentful toward me?" If you want to find out more about our future coaching opportunities (both private and group coaching) sign up for our interest list over here: https://modernlove.life/the-final-call/

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If you find yourself wondering why your ex resents you so much and is bitter toward you, you have to look beyond their reactions and look at their emotional state.

You see, your ex is so resentful toward you after a breakup because of a few different factors, which will all make sense after you understand your ex's emotional state.

First of all, your ex may be responding to the Law of Consistency. That is to say that must act consistently with their previous actions. Their previous actions are that they broke up with you, so they may begin acting consistently with those actions. And how do people typically think of their exes? Typically they will see their exes in a resentful and bitter sort of way..

That's one explanation.

Another possibility is that your ex is still holding on to hurt and pain from the breakup. Maybe they have hurt feelings from something that you did or said. And because of that, they are starting to turn bitter and resentful toward you.

Now bitterness and resentment can only stay in place as long as there is a story keeping them in place. Your ex likely has their own story about what happened and how much pain they are in.

If you can help them to decontextualize what happened, then the story changes, and their emotions start to change.

So apologize, but don't just apologize the way most people do, Apologize in a way that sheds light on how you felt, what you were thinking while you were doing the things you did or saying the things you said. And of course reflect back to them how you imagine that your actions made them feel.

This is often enough to get them to let go of their resentment, bitterness, and anger.

The third possibility is that your ex is angry at you because you changed in a positive way only AFTER the breakup. This may seem a little bit strange, until you consider things from their perspective.

They are probably thinking that they were not a good enough reason fro you to change your behaviors. Again, re-contextualizing the story can help here.

Let them know that the breakup was a real wake up call for you to change things and that is a good start to getting back on track.