When you have an eating disorder and decide to order food at 1am…

And you can’t forget the cold coffee, Red Bull, or crumbs from a bag of granola…

I’m still trying to figure out why, outside of extreme stress. This came on a year ago after I hadn’t had any body issues in over 25 yrs, and that time around it was the other way around…

I believe I have ARFID, but currently am in a crappy healthcare situation, so a lot of my life is in limbo.

If you want to donate moon pies to me, I will honestly accept. I can always eat them. The only problem is what I’d assume would be the most fattening thing on earth only had about 100 calories per each one!

Stay healthy, and take care of your bodies and minds, friends. You only get one of each. Always eat healthy when you can, but love whatever makes you happy and eat it unless it’s literally killing you. I miss food.

Edit: I am going to disable comments, as I've received some nasty ones. An eating disorder isn't always bulimia or anorexia, and not always caused by body dysmorphia. I have not figured out the root of the cause for this, or if it is in fact ARFID which can manifest itself due to stress, anxiety, guilt, and all of those fun things like your other two more well-known eating disorders...
But I do know that for 34 years, I had no problems eating anything, and now I can hardly touch meat or dairy (which I still enjoy, but I became lactose intolerant) and that doesn't leave a ton of alternatives. I take supplements. I eat protein bars and cereal with boosts. When I can afford it, muscle milk is amazing to be able to just get in me quick when I haven't eaten in days, but it's expensive and not a great size. Otherwise, Ensure is even tolerable.

I wish I could eat 3 meals a day and enjoy the normal types of food people eat for meals, and round my diet out a lot better, too. But when you have an eating disorder, that's part of your issue... you don't eat healthy or in a healthy manner. I've eaten very healthy food but in a complete binge after not eating for days, and all that happens is I get really sick the next morning or whenever I wake up, assuming it doesn't make me ill while I'm still awake. Randomly, I will just eat the entire kitchen including the cabinets, and sometimes I can sustain it for a few days and put on 5-7lb if I'm really doing good and eating some stuff high in calories just because I need them, but it has been awhile since I had a stretch like that.

For those who don't know exactly what this video feels like, or you've never taken food from the communial kitchen or pantry area in a dorm, house, apt. etc. etc. and hid it in their own only to eat a day or two later in just a handful of bites.... well, yeah. You probably haven't been there or maybe my issues are umique. But I'd rather eat junk and absolute shit, even if that's all I feel like eating ever again, than go 3 or 4 days without a single urge to eat anything and sometimes dry-fasting because of it.

So I deleted the shitty comments and am disabling that for this video for now. But then again, you know what they say... people in glass houses like throwing stones.... feel better, folks...

T