How does your biochemistry
affect your relationship? Are there ways to foster the inner
chemicals of love to keep things feeling fresh and vibrant? Today
we’re talking about the big “O” - Oxytocin - and its impact on how
we fall into love, and keep love going. In other earlier episodes
on the show, we’ve talked about oxytocin, and oxytocin versus
dopamine - and it seemed like it was time to go straight to the
source of much of what we know about how oxytocin works.
Today’s guest is Sue Carter, Director of the Kinsey Institute,
and Rudy Professor of Biology at Indiana University. Sue was the
first person to figure out oxytocin’s role in how we bond with our
partners - so if you hear people talking about this “love chemical”
they’re probably talking about her work or work that’s based on
her work. We’re going to chat about what we know about oxytocin,
what we don’t know, and how to use the science to help you improve
things with your partner.
The Love Hormone: Oxytocin is often seen as the ‘love hormone’.
It was first discovered to be involved in love in the early 1970’s
when it was found to be present in the birth process. Since that
time it has been proven to play a key role in birth, as well as in
the bonding of mother and child. More recently it has been
discovered that oxytocin affects our brains, and is involved in the
biological and neurological system of attachment between parents
and children, and between adult partners.
Why is oxytocin so important in successful long term
relationships? Anything
that lasts a long time in human behavior has to have a biochemical
or biological basis. There has to be a mechanism that allows us to
fall in love, one that helps keep us together, as well as a
mechanism for allowing break ups to happen. The question of why
oxytocin is so important is complicated to answer, but the short
answer is that it is a mammalian hormone with an ancient
biochemistry (meaning it existed before the emergence of mammals)
and it is reused many times for many purposes. The most important
things in a human life require oxytocin to be present. This
includes birth, caring for offspring, finding a mate, creating a
social bond with our partners, and restoration and healing in the
face of stress.
All mammals have a very similar brain stem.
The basic biology of pair
bonding and of attachment is possible using old neural mechanisms
and is housed in old parts of our brain - the parts of our brain
stem which we share with all other mammals. Many believe that the
most important organ for connection is our brain. In fact, Woody
Allen once said, that the brain is his “second favorite sex organ”.
The brain is directly engaged in the process of both falling
in love and experiencing positive forms of sex.
Fostering oxytocin production: We can get low level oxytocin production
through simple social behaviors- interacting, play, being in a
socially safe place, and engaging with others. The most reliable
way to release higher levels of oxytocin in humans is via sexual
behavior, specifically orgasm. Another activity with high oxytocin
production is birth - in which the hormone is released in repeated
bursts.
Parent and child - All human babies need a caretaker, and it
appears that oxytocin is critically involved in the bonding and
attachment necessary to keep children cared for. Attachment
behaviors found between parents and children produce similar
oxytocin producing results between two adults. For example, it is a
fact that the human breast has a monosynaptic connection between
the breast and hypothalamus- meaning there is a direct route from
the breast to the brain*. This route is not limited to nursing- any
kind of breast stimulation has the potential to release oxytocin with other stimulation, if
in the right context.
*Men also have this same nipple
neural network.
We have a biology that is beautifully attuned to allow
us to attach to people that are safe, and people that we have good
potential to become long term partners with. Oxytocin is a very clever molecule! Oxytocin
works within a background of a set of complex hormones, and never
in isolation. It is highly tuned to context, and is sensitive to
high levels of stress. This means that consensual sexual
interactions are critical for positive and oxytocin producing
physiological responses. Although safety is a very relative
concept, our bodies are highly tuned to know how to assess for
safety.
You can’t just read the sex manual.
By all means enjoy reading sex
manuals, learning new how tos, and fun tricks, but remember that no
matter how well you are trained in the ‘technology’ of sex, there
is no assurance it is going to work! You can learn to touch
here/suck that, but know that meaningful and fulfilling sexual
interactions involve both partners, some key biological processes,
and a whole lot of consent. As humans we are always reading the
social cues of those that we are forming relationships...
Информация по комментариям в разработке