Скачать или смотреть Searching for Secrets (Poetry Film)

I have come to realize that life is a lot less about making sure we only experience "good" things, and a lot more about embracing the full range of human experiences, as they all are intertwined.
This is poem about expanding the capacity to feel it all.

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Film and Poem by Emily Joy Capshaw
Forest shots captured by Stephano Jonas

Music License via Soundstripe:
Chelsea McGough-Distant Water
added vocals by Emily Joy Capshaw
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POEM:
Where is the place where life hides her secrets?
I have grown weary of seeking them out in the corners of my mind
Pulling at thought threads only to find more knots at the ends

I used to think the secret was keeping the bad things at bay
If only I could keep everything under control
If only I could keep everyone thinking I’m perfect
If only I could make them stay
If only I could make sure I’m okay
Again and again
Untangling
until I see that is the fabric of my own being that I pick at

Sometimes it feels as though life itself just a rigged game
Built to keep limitless human potential obsessed with the most mundane of experiences

Caught up in manifestation and affirmations
For money success and opportunity
Followed by prayers that a higher power
Might keep me from harms way

Keep me from harms way
As I watch the world around me suffer
How can any blessing truly satisfy the soul
When I know I am not separate from those crying out for mercy

Maybe life tucks her secrets at the roots of the trees
Woven into the connection that keeps them strong
Through fires and drought and the shedding of leaves

They stay still
While we build and build

And We may never build a dam strong enough to hold back the dark,

But I’ve seen a light in the eyes of the empty handed that outshines the empty stare of kings

I could chase good and well forever
Yet somehow my high high from yesterday so quickly turns to the new normal today
My tolerance for good fortune constantly recalibrating

And when my sole focus is keeping the pain at bay
It leaves me wondering if this is all life has to give?
This ping pong rollercoaster survival game of having and loosing and wanting more?

It feels like running towards a moving target while the rules keep changing
And the levels keep getting harder
And every now and then we’re back to one
To play it all again

there is nothing more terrifying to the hunted prey then becoming still.

See the thing is

I still take as many L’s as I do wins
And each victory still isn’t quite the happily ever after it seemed to be from the outside

And the pain is still so big.
I see it all around me.
But I also see so much beauty.

And I don’t have all the secrets.
I sort of stopped looking because I’ve acquired a taste for mystery.

But the difference now is
I’ve cracked open.
And I’ve gotten really good at moving through it all
Even when I gotta go slow
I know when it’s time to let go.

Because the holding on is what hurts the most, when life is a constantly changing flow.

But all that hurt somehow carved out more space to let love in
It has expanded my capacity for every sensation
And sometimes now the line between the good ones and the bad ones gets blurry
Because they all remind me that I am alive
That I can feel.

Ive learned that I can catch any curveball
And ride any wave

Because I have seen that it is not against me but it is sculpting me into a masterpiece
So flow with what is instead of fighting against it

When the heartbreak is big I grow bigger

I move bigger
Make Sound bigger
I let my love grow bigger

And I celebrate my pain
Because it is my teacher
It pulls my heart wide
And opens my eyes to what matters
It reminds me to get still
To take a breath

It begs me to enjoy what I have while I have it
And it guides me to move into the next adventure
softening where I have rigid
To experience More of it all


And I have a strong suspicion that that is what came here for.