How NOT Homophobic Am I? - Reid Mihalko at Bawdy Storytelling's "Surprise!"

America's favorite sex geek, Reid Mihalko of http://ReidAboutSex.com, jumps out of a birthday cake and strips, reveals his stripper name from back in his college days (hint: It's a famous comic book character), and shares the story of how he discovered just HOW not homophobic he is... Happy Birthday to Bawdy Storytelling creator, Dixie De La Tour!

Dixie: ... when he’s in the show. Please give it up for Reid Mihalko.

Reid: Oh, yeah. My legs are totally asleep because I was in that fucking cake forever. Help me up! I tied that tie myself. Sexy and sweaty because it's 100 degrees in that cake, bitch.

Dixie: That is a really nice one.

Reid: Thank you, DJ. I'm tempted to tell this story from my cake.

Dixie: Can I just say that halfway through your introduction I became terrified you were wearing a Santa Suit and not cake?

Reid: That would've been awesome! Can you taste Mrs. Claus on my dick? You can probably tell from my professional moves that that was not the first time I've ever taken off my clothes in front of an audience. This is what will be the beginning of my story.

Hi everyone! Everyone take a deep breath, and you go, "Oh." All right, so applaud if you have ever seen Salt-N-Peppa's "None of Your Business," video. Applaud if you are a fan of the cowboy who appears in the red thong and chaps at the end of that video. Applaud if you knew that was me. Now imagine, many years ago, all of this being up here and here.

Not everybody knows this, but now the world will know this, I paid for some of college stripping. First night I ever stripped, I made $11. All of my friends let me know that that was a good business move, but it would eventually, stripping for men and women, would eventually be what ended up getting me the job when I auditioned for Salt-N-Peppa's "None of Your Business" video. That made my niece the queen of seventh grade and eighth grade because it was a big deal video and her uncle was in a Salt-N-Peppa video. It was great. Remember, all of this was where? Up here. Exactly.

Imagine back then, me with my Arnold Schwarzenegger buzz cut and my Home Alone glasses; it was very kind of Harry Potter before its time. I'm dancing and I'm like, "I'm starting to get ready to ... I've never danced before and I need a name!" Some of you know that I'm a comic book geek. So I'm like, "Man, I'm going to strip," and back then I rode a motorcycle and I was like, "What am I going to ... Well, I've got chaps. I can just wear chaps for stripping because that's a thing that strippers wear. I already own them! I don't have to spend money for it." I had to go thong shopping and things like that, which is kind of weird, back then because I hadn't turned into the Sex Geek yet. I was just like, all of this up here, being like, "Um, where are your thongs?" This is back in Rhode Island, where I went to college, so it was kind of like, "Oh, you want the thongs." I'm like, "Yes, please." I'm like, "What's going to be my name? What's going to be my name?" I'm such a comic book geek, I'm like, "Who rides a motorcycle?"

Audience: Captain America.

Reid: But I didn't pick that. Steve Rogers was not it. Punisher, no. I would be the Ghost Rider. My stripper name was Johnny Blaze. All this, up here, and chaps, and I would drive to the shows. You made more money back then, maybe still now, stripping for gay audiences. This was a long time ago, before I turned into this. I'd be like, "I hope I make more than $11." Then I started stripping for gay audiences and I was dancing, I'm like, "Wow!" I hadn't been exposed to gay culture. I grew up in New Hampshire and didn't know anybody who was gay at the time. I'm like, "Wow, that person's gay and that per ... Don't touch my cock. That person's gay ..." I'm like, "Get your hand out of my ass. That person's gay ... That'll cost you $20. That person ... Wow, this is amazing" I just didn't know and I'm such a geek, I was like, "This is really cool." Then Johnny Blaze got kind of, semi-famous in Massachusetts and Connecticut and Rhode Island, so I was like, "I'm making more than $11. School is really expensive. I'm Johnny Blaze."