Скачать или смотреть why alexithymia makes dating suck

Dating as an autistic woman with alexithymia can feel… impossible. 💔 For those who aren’t familiar, alexithymia is the difficulty in identifying and describing one’s own emotions. On the surface, it sounds simple, but when it comes to romantic connection, it can make things extremely complicated. So much of dating relies on recognizing your internal states, interpreting your feelings, and then communicating them. When that process is disrupted, even seemingly small moments can become overwhelming.

For example, I’ve literally told someone, “I can’t even tell that I’m hungry when I’m hungry, and you expect me to know how I feel about you?” That’s the reality of alexithymia: you might feel drawn to someone, but you struggle to untangle that attraction from anxiety, mistrust, conflicting values, or past experiences. Instead of a clear thought like, “I like them, but I’m worried about X,” it can feel like a tangled knot of sensations without the words to define what’s happening inside.

Scientifically, this happens because alexithymia disrupts the connection between bodily sensations like a racing heartbeat, tense muscles, or stomach flutter, and the conscious recognition of those sensations as specific emotions. Essentially, the body is sending signals, but the mind has trouble labeling them. This isn’t just inconvenient; it has real impacts on social and romantic life. When society expects women to read, express, and respond to emotions fluently, gaps in this process can make someone appear aloof, inconsistent, or disinterested, even when they care deeply.

This misalignment can complicate communication, boundary-setting, and building emotional intimacy. It can make decisions about pursuing or stepping back feel impossible, and it can cause long periods of internal uncertainty and frustration. Many autistic women experience this, and yet it’s rarely talked about openly in the context of dating or relationships.

So I want to hear from my fellow girls on the spectrum who relate: How do you navigate dating with alexithymia? How has it shaped your relationships and your understanding of yourself? Let’s normalize talking about these challenges and share strategies for making connection feel possible even when emotions are hard to read. ❤️

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