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TOEFL Writing Mock Test + 28/30 pt response + evaluation: Is extended family important?

Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

This time I used a Mock Test Software that I didn’t realize I wrote so many words until I completed it. I found that if I want to explain a reason clearly, I need 200 words at least. That’s why I am sucking so much and taking so long for the writing because I am trying to encompass that into 150 words, then my thoughts just break down. In fact, I may be able to do a 550+words independent writing in 30min. But if you ask me to do 450 words, it takes me about one hour and half. I am wondering if 200 words for paragraph 2 and 3 (two reasons) is acceptable?

Your independent writing score is 4.5/5.0 or 28/30 pts. To see the ETS rubrics used to score your practice test and some recommended lessons you should study based on your score, copy and paste the following link into your browser: http://www.bettertoeflscores.com/wp-c...

In ancient China, the members of the extended family used to live together in a big house that aunts, uncles, cousins, even great grandparent are all living together, forming a gigantic family of more than 100 people sometimes. However, this condition has been dramatically changed nowadays that we have smaller family units compositing of just parents and their children. With the development of the society, in my opinion, the extended family is less important now than it was in the past because that we are more geographically isolated and also that people nowadays have different ways of thinking.

First of all, the extended family is less important inasmuch as the family members are more isolated in geographical conditions. It is very common for a young person to attend a university in a different city other than the one he was born in, and then he may stay in that city for working instead of returning to his place of birth. For example, I went to McGill University in Montreal, Canada to pursue my advanced education in the major of Microbiology and Immunology, whereas my place of birth is the city of Ningbo in China that I am physically isolated from my extended family members who are mostly living in China. After graduation, I decided to stay in Canada to work as I thought I might not be able to adapt myself back to the Chinese society. Then, I formed my own family with my husband in Montreal and bought a house here. Therefore, hardly can I meet any of my extended family members face-to-face that I may only be capable to see them once in ten years. Because of that, they can not help me with any roadblocks that I suffer in my life. Therefore, the importance of the extended family is inevitably reduced.

Second of all, the importance of the extended family reduces now also due to the changes in person's thoughts. Let us just take how to treat a mother-in-law as an example. In the past, the daughter-in-law needed to serve her mother-in-law in all kinds of means including greeting the mother-in-law every morning and evening. Moreover, the daughter-in-law needed to follow all the instructions conducted from her mother-in-law without posing any rejections or disagreements. Nowadays, things dramatically changed that the daughter-in-law has the right to make decisions regarding her own life including having the freedom to choose whether or now to live with her mother-in-law. For example, after I get married with my husband, I have decided to not live with my mother-in-law, and also every time she comes to visit us and needs to live with us for several days, she needs to follow my rules. Of course, we still respect each other, but we are just like normal relatives and less closer than in the past, which means that her opinion can only be considered as a suggestion or a recommendation now rather than as a decision as per in the past. Therefore, the extended family members have less influences on my decision making, thus they are less important than in the past.

In summary, because of the fact of geographical isolation as well as the changes in the ways of thinking, the extended family members have less influences on my daily lives that they can neither do me a favor in my difficult times nor affect me much on my decision making. Therefore, the extended family is less important now than it was in the past.