The Green Howls - Ilga

Credit @ Incendia 3D Fractal generator for GIF artwork

Recording done with phone.

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This song is named after my maternal grandmother. As her life unravels still, she is living through a lens of dementia. She is fully aware that her recalls of information can be skewed and, as much as that projects as someone that's accountable and to a degree responsible, the manifestation of a person knowing that they can no longer trust their judgment is so unsettling. The cascade of events then lead to an externalization of trust which is a hopeful attempt to recapture some control of life. Unfortunately, that suggests that everyone around her is fully regulated, informed and has her best interest at heart - a probability that is hard to come by at all times.
During a walk with her I found myself lost at thought. As a result, I kept noticing strands of agitation in myself whenever my grandmother would slow down, repeat a story or abruptly stop to observe something. A chain of shameful inner dialogue would erupt which by no means was helpful in bringing me closer to my nan... However, i then did make a conscious effort to stay present with being next to her and experience felt sense in supporting her arm whilst walking listening to the tone of her voice when she spoke, inhaling the chilly winter air and watching the exhalation steam away. She noticed the subtle change. She noticed me walking with her instead of leading her.
I have no idea what it is like to live with yourself knowing that all you know may not be true. But i do know i can participate through presence along the journey.

Lyrics to 'Ilga'

Walk with me
At a pace of mine.
Walk with me
Tonight.

Talk with me
Dispose of noise and
Talk with me
Tonight.

See me
Attentive and clear.
Come and see me
Tonight.

Play with me
Leave control at your home and
Play with me
Tonight.

Eat with me
Savior each mouthful and
Eat with me
Tonight.

And finally,
Be with me
At a time of nothing.
Simply be with me
Tonight.