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I made the hardest choice at 19: an open adoption for my daughter. For years, we had clear boundaries. Then her adoptive parents started encouraging her to call me "Mom"—and now our lives are an emotional tangle nobody knows how to unravel.

When I chose Lisa and David to adopt my baby Grace, we agreed on letters and one visit a year. I was "Maya," her birth mother. They were "Mom and Dad." But when Grace turned six, the invitations increased. The visits multiplied. Then one day, Grace called me "Mom" by accident. Instead of correcting her, her adoptive mother said, "It's okay! You have two moms who love you!"

Now Grace is eight, confused, and calling me "Mama Maya." Her adoptive parents are struggling—with marriage, with money, with connecting to Grace—and I suspect they're leaning on me to fill an emotional gap. They've even proposed making me a legal co-parent.

I'm trapped. If I pull back, I break Grace's heart. If I step forward, I destroy the clear family structure I chose for her. What does being a "good" birth mother mean in this impossible situation?

💬 What would YOU do? Vote in the poll:

Support the adoptive parents - Grace needs all the love she can get

Support the birth mother - Boundaries exist for a reason

This is a failure of the adoption system

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