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Death will smack you in the face and make you question everything. 12 years ago, I lost my best friend, my older brother, my idol. Everything I am today was influenced by the half assed, prank-pulling, sarcastic, light-up-the-world-around-you personality of my brother. And losing him so young, taught me so many important lessons I may never have learned.
December is tough for us. In 2004, just 5 days before Christmas, my brother, David, was finally being transferred back home from the hospital in Delaware. I hadn’t seen him in 2 months. At just 12 years old, I wasn’t allowed to visit him in intensive care.
On November 2nd, Dave was hit by a pickup truck while working in Newark, DE, laying traffic lines on a busy highway. I remember my grandmother, Mema, picked me up early from soccer practice and when I got in the car, she grabbed my hand and told me the news. I still had no idea just how serious of an injury he sustained. The first thing I did was beg God that it might be just a broken leg. The rest of the world was tied-up with the presidential election. I could care less about a politician.
Later, we found out David had suffered a traumatic brain injury. He was immediately put into an induced coma. For 2 months, I yelled to my mom about how unfair it was that I couldn’t visit David or see how he was doing for myself. It was miserable. When he finally woke up, he wasn't able to speak from the trachea in his mouth, so we weren't even sure just how damaged his mental state was. Did he remember us? Could he function properly after all of this was said and done? Would he be able to drive again? Walk again? Speak again? Do all of his favorite things? Would he still be his witty, sarcastic, half-assed, fun-loving self?
My mother spent every day driving back and forth between Delaware and Jersey, trying to raise a family and tend to my brother. Two months later, the day finally came when they would transfer him to a hospital back in New Jersey. I got to see him today! I remember Kyle's grandmother drove me to my grandmother's house after school — instead of home, and I was very confused as to why. When I got there, my father let me know that David had passed — on the day I was finally going to see him again.
The loss of my brother is the most significant event of my life thus far. It was not easy losing my best friend at the age of 12, but it taught me more than anything else I’ve experienced. I remember locking myself in Mema's bathroom and yelling up to David that I would make sure the world knew who he was. I told him I would spread his spirit to the people around me, and he would live through me. 25 was far too soon to go. I spent much of my life, trying to emulate his character, his spirit and spread his hilarious personality to the world.
11 years later, I wrote "Supernova". The song is about feeling him next to me, still hearing his whistle in my head, realizing that Billy Joel's "Piano Man" coming on the radio at just the right time, when I need it the most, is not mere coincidence. He is still here. Maybe not tangible, but he finds other ways to connect with me; with our family. This song is about my brother, who lived his life like a supernova-- he burned bright and he died so young. I will feel I did my best for him, when I finally know the world has heard his story, and has felt the impact he left on me.
If you've ever lost a love one, maybe you can relate. Let that person live on through you. Spread their beautiful spirit to the people around you. Let them live through your words and your actions. Let them be your passion. In that sense, they can never die. Much love and thanks for reading all,
With Love,
Neeks
Dancing & Choreography:
Marianne Santimauro
Kristen Rigo
Miranda Scalzo
Arts In Motion Academy ( https://goo.gl/c7Bbhl )
Featuring: David Silverman
Locations: Rutgers New Brunswick, Matawan-Aberdeen Regional High School
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