Ep 6: Walking from Italy to Switzerland on the Tour du Mont Blanc

Ep 6 / DAY 7: Val Ferret to La Fouly

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Malena’s been stuffed up with the occasional cough from day 1 or 2. I caught her cold yesterday and enjoyed a few uncontrollable coughing fits. I knew she wasn’t feeling great, but now I really know how bad she’s been feeling and what a trooper she is. Not one complaint - she’s just been plowing through. I on the other hand will likely be complaining til it goes away. Our temporary trail names are Honkaloogey 1 and Honkaloogey 2. Jen’s got a throat thing starting too. Bummer.
We had breakfast at the hotel when it started at 7:30 and scrambled to the bus which left at 7:50 with about 300 people in it. It was packed end to end. But everyone was joking around and having fun with it. I counted at least 6 languages being spoken. I can’t say it was fun. But I can say it was kinda fun.
We got off in the exact spot we ended the hike a day ago. Fully rested and refreshed and ready to go! Or fully used to doing nothing, filled with snot, and not at all ready to go! This is where that valley from the last hike ended with massive mountains framing the dead end. Our job was to climb those mountains toward hot chocolate, watches, fondue, secret bank accounts, and any other Swiss stereotypes I’m not thinking of right now. It was brutality. 3,000 feet in two or three miles. We stopped at Refugio Elena for our last Italian cappuccinos and talked about how we all thought that it was the toughest climb so far. Jen compares these climbs to having a baby. It’s horrible and the toughest physical thing you can do. Then you have to deal with a god damned infant and everyone knows that infants suck. You’re up at 4am trying to shut the little shit up. It’s awful. And you say to yourself, “I swear on everything holy that I will never have another one of these monsters as long as I live.” Then they get a little older. They develop a personality. They smile at you. “I think we should have another kid…” Because you forget how awful it was. Until you have another kid of course. And I agree that this is a perfect metaphor (if this is a metaphor). You climb the mountain cursing and wondering why god is such a dick and swear you’ll never do this again. Then you get to the top and you see the view, the personality, the smile- and you’re like, “That wasn’t so bad.” But it was.

We crossed into Switzerland and enjoyed a lunch we’d grabbed in Courmayeur sitting on the side of the trail looking down into the next valley. The rest of the day was relatively easy. A total of 9.5 miles- but once we crossed over it was all pretty much downhill. But not steep enough to wake the knee monsters. It’s always seemed strange to me that things can change because of an imaginary line on a map. But in my experience - even state to state in the US, things really do change. Things got Swiss. For instance, we stopped at the next Refugio La Peule for three sparkling waters and were charged fifteen euros. Welcome to Switzerland! Also as we sat there Jen told me I looked like a fisherman from the Okefenokee swamp who was down on his luck. I can’t tell you where she comes up with this shit. I can only tell you it was accurate.
We enjoyed the downhill wander. There was another episode of Wild World of Slow Hiking. Jen taking a day off threw the sport into a tizzy and the officials spent all day trying to see if what she did was legal. Going slow is one thing, but laying around for a full day hardly moving at all and then getting a massage was something no one in the sport had ever done before. Turns out that somehow the fact that she rolled 10mm to the north east (The same direction as the route) as she laid in bed all day counted. Apparently she also ‘scooched’ during her massage which also counted. So now the entire Slow Hiking community is in an uproar with other slow hikers trying to copy her moves and book massages. But because Jen is an innovator - she is way behind. Which of course in the world of Slow Hiking is way ahead.
We made it to Ferret and dealt with a little rain. We put on our rain gear for the first time and we all looked like evil witches trying to pawn an apple off on a pretty young girl. Jen changed her description of me to “the Hunchback of Notre Dame who was also a fisherman from the Okefenokee swamp.” Again. Pretty accurate.
We made it to The Edelweiss hotel which is by far the most expensive night of lodging of the entire trip.
Anyway. The hotel is as cool as it is expensive- so fair enough. I got in the shower and realized I’d forgotten to to remove my buff from around my neck. I looked like the world’s most unemployable Chippendale Dancer on the fast track to becoming a fisherman from the Okefenokee swamp who is down on his luck.
I need some fondue.


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