Скачать или смотреть The Psychology of Blame | Dr. Shawne Duperon

Tonight’s Talk Tune Up: Psychology of Blame

Breakthroughs, paradigm shifts, aha’s come from unpacking.. by making the unconscious conscious. That’s what we do here.
How we’re going to unpack tonight’s lecture:
-Blame: Psych definitions
-Blame traps
-Blame Breakthroughs

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Psychology of Blame
Blame: Psych definitions
-Narcissistic personality disorders: They tend to turn the blame on to others.
-Fundamental Attribution Error: People who excuse themselves for the same negative behavior that they blame OTHERS for doing.
-Self-serving bias’: with researchers discovering that many of us will take the credit for ourselves if things go good in life, but lay blame on circumstance when things go bad.
-Projection: Defense mechanism in which the ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves and attributing them to others.

Think about this for a second…
-Food in the microwave exploded (blame your partner who doesn’t help enough and you’re multitasking)
-The dog got out as you were leaving and then made you late. (blame the neighbor who waved hello at the wrong moment)
-You slipped on ice in your driveway. Blame your own clumsiness?
Where are you on the blame scale (always blaming others, or other end, you blame yourself for everything)?
Dance in the dichotomy and get more in the middle
So why do we blame?

Blame traps
-Defense mechanism and escape from guilt (great way to manage defensiveness).
-Blame is a tool we use when we’re in attack mode (destructive conflict resolution).
-Blame means you don’t have to be vulnerable. It’s easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility.
-Blaming feeds your need for control. When you blame someone, then you have control of the story, both past and future – they are wrong/bad, hence things happened the way they did, and it’s all their fault.
-People lie. It’s human. You may figure that no one will know it was really you who broke the printer at work, so you just blame someone else who’s not there (and hope that person never finds out).

3 things to help with unpacking blame
Blame Breakthroughs
1) Be vulnerable husband story today… (control, triggered)
2) It can also help to stop telling the story. Each time we tell the story about how another person is the reason something went wrong, we add a little bit more, making them more responsible and us less accountable. Stop telling that old story.
3) Ask yourself how do you view mistakes? The more self-worth you have, the more you’re able to manage being responsible for yourself. And the more you can accept your own humanness and capacity for error, the more you are likely to accept and understand it in others, too.

Next Lecture is July 2: Forgiving Too Fast
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Love,
Dr. Shawne Project Forgive