Cyberpunk 2077: The Story So Far - Almost

What the h happened in Cyberpunk 2077 again? Catch up on my spotty recollections of the story before the Phantom Liberty DLC drops like a red-hot shell casing. Something about me and my boyfriend Keanu, during a difficult stage in our relationship. The information in this video is verified to be at least 12% accurate.

"Keanu wants to play one klr final gig to get the band back together. And slap his band mate in the face. Oh, and he gets peed off, cos he wanted a more expensive guitar!"

"The story is really all about me and my boyfriend Keanu, during a difficult stage in our relationship. You go on charming dates. But you always have to pay..."

"You're basically a Tug/ Hacker/ Gangster/ Ninja, doing early game open-world RPG-lite future GTA sheet..."

"The endgame takes you to the top of the mega-skyscrapers to a mega-corp called Araska, who are bad because greed. There's a subtle message: corpos love money!"

(Bonus words that would have made the video too long)

GAMEPLAY: This was one of the least-discussed aspects of the game, so let's call this my hot take: The hacking is hilarious. I was super into it. I got into a sweet rythmn of hiding in a toilet, cowering in the bathroom, then hacking into the security camera, where I could just watch myself burn fools. For ages, just slowly burn them. (I'm really very badly burned). It's gloriously time-consuming. Short-circuit their eye-balls. Reset their brain. Casually toss their singed carcasses into a dumpster. They run around looking for you, but they're not so smart. Everyone got fried, no soul was left un-fried. I dumped all my upgrade points into hacking, after a while I was a female Asian Morpheus.
Standard combat is a good laugh. Controls are a bit loosey-goosey, but didn't bother me when I was cleaning up the cyber-scum. It aims for a balance of visceral violins both melee and ranged - and mostly succeeds. Katana blades make short work of whatever you shove them into, while projectiles offer a time-saving alternative. Cyber-mods are the more unique features, allowing you to graft metal mantis claws inside your arms.

LOOT GAME & FASHION DISASTERS: As with the weapons, there's waaaaaay too much loot. You pick up all this stuff: crafting items, weapon upgrades, cyber mods, horrible clothes. Now, I love me my collecting and crafting in a game. Got every teddy bear in Fallout 3. Wicked. Got all the blood diamond briefcases in Far Cry 2. Sick. Some people like to just run through and fight, I'm the opposite of that. I will find that shiny. But in this game, it's too much garbage. I actually had to stop collecting and crafting as I heard it was bugged out. So, personally that sucked for me. It wasn't even necessary: early on I had 300 plus healing items and rarely had to hit the "Devil-ry" shop. I picked up so many scopes, I always had 8-16 of each. Mental. Now the fashion. The fashion is all over the place, over-memed at the time. It's literally like they set out to design the ugliest, most hideous styles and worst clashes in fashion history. Ribbon lace-up construction pants, diamond-encrusted b lokes, pink bunny-ears raver hat lopped on one side, sequined emerald boots. And let's face it: you can't do sweet street ninja moves wearing a ludicrous fur bikini top, purple lame cargo pants and Keanu's cool shades. These garms do not a brawler make.