Local Man Says He’s Tired of Politics, Then Spends Four Hours Arguing About It Online
In what experts are calling a stunning display of self-awareness failure, local resident Brad Mullins, 34, reportedly declared he was “done with politics forever” — moments before launching into a four-hour digital shouting marathon in the comment section of a Facebook post about potholes.
According to witnesses, Brad’s vow of political celibacy lasted approximately eleven seconds, interrupted only by the irresistible sight of a stranger being wrong on the internet.
“I just can’t deal with politics anymore,” said Mullins, typing furiously. “Anyway, here’s a 900-word essay on why everyone who disagrees with me hates America.”
🖥️ The Spiral Begins
Friends say Brad’s descent into the digital debate began innocently — a single comment reading, “All sides are corrupt.” Unfortunately, this neutral statement was instantly interpreted by others as a declaration of war.
By hour two, Brad had posted 37 replies, 12 memes, and one quote from a podcast no one listens to.
By hour three, he had opened four browser tabs for fact-checking — but only read the headlines.
“It’s not that I care about politics,” Brad explained between keystrokes. “I just can’t stand when people are wrong on the internet. Which, apparently, is everyone.”
🔥 “One More Comment” Syndrome
Experts from the University of Ironic Behavior refer to this as “Engagement Fatigue Denial.”
“It’s the modern cycle,” said Dr. Karen Leal, who studies online discourse patterns. “First comes exhaustion. Then comes outrage. Then, suddenly, you’re quoting the Constitution to someone whose profile picture is a dog in sunglasses.”
The study shows that every time someone swears off political arguments online, Facebook’s algorithm sends them five more just to test their commitment.
📱 The Aftermath
By the time Brad logged off — around 2:17 AM — he had gained no followers, changed no minds, and lost two cousins and a co-worker.
He reportedly ended the night whispering, “People are so divided these days,” while drafting a new thread titled ‘Why Everyone Else Is the Problem.’
🏁 Conclusion
As of press time, Brad insists he’s “really done this time,” though sources confirm he’s currently typing a 600-word Reddit post titled “I’m Not Political, But…”
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