Скачать или смотреть Live Better Series - When Friends Call Only When They Need Something - Dr. Dale Atkins

Hi.

I received a very interesting note from someone and I'd like to talk about it today, and I think that all of us have been in this situation and some of us really wonder, what's the best way to deal with it? I think there are lots of ways to deal with it, and here's the situation. You only hear from this particular person whenever they need anything. They don't call just to say Hi.

They don't say they don't reach out just to see how you're doing. But when they need something, you seem to be the first person that's on their list. And on the one hand, it's really nice to know that they think highly of you are asking your opinion or for your help or whatever. And at the same time, you may feel gosh, how come I don't hear from them at other times? And I wonder why I feel like I'm kind of being used and that is not an uncommon feeling. Whether or not you want to help the person, you still may feel uneasy about the fact that they seem to only call you when they need something.

So one of the things that I'd like to speak about regarding this is you can actually hold multiple feelings in relation to the situation simultaneously and what is really the kind thing to do for yourself and for the person. What's important is to decide whether you're going to help them and, if you are, to try and help them with an open heart and with an open hand and to really be present and say, "Gee, you know, I know that they don't call, and I know that they don't reach out in normal times, but isn't it interesting that I'm the person that they go to when they really need help?" So there's something very special about that, in their hour of darkness or in their time of confusion or in a time when they feel alone, you're the person who seems to offer them what they need. And if you can change the story in your head and add that element, you might be able to offer help without resentment.

And if you can't, then I think what might be useful is to say, "you know it's interesting, I like listening to you, I like helping you when I can, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that. I wonder sometimes why I don't hear from you when things are going well. I wonder why you don't just reach out and that would be nice for me. I would like" Because in sharing what your feeling is as part of the experience in this exchange, you really do show up and you really do share your authentic feelings, and it doesn't preclude your ability to help. It just enhances your ability to be seen and to be heard and to be who you actually are. So when we see someone in need, we really are compelled to go deep inside and recognize how we are all connected and that it is our job to help. It IS our job. It is our calling. It is our mission to reach out in ways that will help this other person. And that's really the act of kindness is recognizing that we have the capacity to be helpful and that we help.

About Dr. Dale Atkins
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Known for her communication skills and compassion, Dr. Dale Atkins is a licensed psychologist and author with over 30 years of experience as a lecturer, media commentator, and relationship expert. She is committed to working with individuals and groups to develop and sustain good mental and emotional health consistent with their life purpose and values. In her lectures, workshops, and retreats, Dr. Atkins focuses on health, intergenerational relationships, aging well, creative caregiving, adaptation to disability, and managing life transitions and stress while maintaining a balanced and meaningful life.

Dr. Dale Atkins Website
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https://www.drdaleatkins.com/

Books by Dr. Dale Atkins
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The Kindness Advantage: Cultivating Compassionate and Connected Children
https://www.amazon.com/Kindness-Advan...

Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
https://www.amazon.com/Sanity-Savers-...

Wedding Sanity Savers: How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes, and Questions That Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
https://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Sanity...

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