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First Session therapist Sukaina says that so many of her clients struggle to answer the question - 'What makes you happy?' In this video, she digs deeper into the roots of lack of self-worth and self-esteem.

"So when we know that there is a lack of sense of worth, lack of, sense of acceptance, a lack of sense of self-esteem. I always find that in childhood, when either the child was not accepted child was not appreciated for, for whatever good or performance they had done, or when the child was reprimanded in front of the public and that some cultures do that, right.

We don't appreciate openly, but we criticize very openly. We are very quick to tell what needs to be done more rather than appreciating them for what has already been achieved. So I feel the roots of those kinds of Slack, of self-esteem and self-acceptance, comes in, in the childhood where maybe that role modeling that, that appreciation never came from school from the parents, from family, from the community at large, where the child would be able to have that confidence in my ability. Yes, I could do it. Yes. Now I can do it more. Or the first time I did 70%, right? How about I aim for 75% right this time. So sometimes that is, that is, that thing is missing. You know, that letter of success, that level of the building of a sense of extreme self-esteem is missing because we are only, only subjected to criticism.

We have been what needs to be done, rather than what we have already done and how we can build on it. So that is, that is how we grow. We know that, okay, we're not important. Whatever we do is always wrong or needs improvement. So maybe I'm not good at it. I'm not worth it. I should stop giving it a try because it's just not working for my parents. I've been unable to make my elders happy. So when we go on this journey of working hard to please others, this is where we lose ourselves. And my work is to bring that self back. So I would ask questions like, what would make you happy? And how many times my clients would struggle to answer this question. And they will tell me what a difficult question it is. What makes you happy? They were paying thing, thing, thing. A lot of times that would never come up. So happiness to some of them would be the absence of pain or when my child is happy when he plays soccer. Well, I am happy. Yes. That's something to be happy, but what makes you happy? What makes you happy about yourself? It's hard to answer them when I would ask them. When was the last time you did something for yourself? Maybe two years ago, or really? Yeah. When was the last time you brought you, you got yourself a new dress two years ago."

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