Скачать или смотреть Sentence Structure Breakdown: The Opening Lines of The Haunting of Hajji Hotak

It's not polished but it's done. In this video, I break downt he first sentence of the first short story from "The Haunting of Hajji Hotak" by Jamil Jan Kochai.

The purpose of this series is to focus on technique and improve your writing.

Exercise from the video:

1. Nested – how far can you go in one sentence?
2. Mirrors – Can you mirror your first line with your last line?

Revision Questions:

What can you tighten and make more concise?
What specific details can you add to make this more concrete?
What other creative techniques can you include to make processing this long of a sentence easier?

My draft, for a creative opening to an accounting blog:

There’s cash missing, and the financial manager wants you to identify the leak—because, of course he does, you’re the only one who’s been here long enough to internalize this department’s dysfunction—all while he’s jabbering about golf with the CFO Saturday morning, the day you’re supposed to take your child to soccer practice even though she can’t stand the thought of spending three hours in the sweltering August heat any more than you do, and now you’re tasked with conjuring company spend out of spreadsheets so poorly-designed even the devil couldn’t be so sadistic as to employ them; hopefully, if you’re lucky the thousand-dollar gap is the result of a mis-typed zero, but you can tell from your manager’s curt demand that until that missing cash is found, you’re on the hook.

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