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TODAYS VIDEO: How Narcissists Force YOU to Carry THEIR Shame & What Happens When You STOP:
covert narcissists absolutely love to train you to carry their shame for them so in this video i want to talk about how they do this like what does that look like i want to give you real scenarios so that you can examine your life to see if this might be happening in your relationships we're going to talk about why they do this we're also going to talk about what happens when you start waking up and realizing that you have been a garbage pail for their shame and you no longer want to do that anymore and last but not least i want to give you some tips on how to navigate through this in a way that helps you to feel empowered from within and build agency and heal your own shame wound all at the same time so that being said let's dive in for those of you that don't know me my name is michelle i'm a somatic experiencing practitioner and the founder of the school of transformation which is where I meet live on Zoom every week and I do the inner work with survivors from all over the world of childhood trauma together Here on my YouTube channel we talk about what healing is about what it looks like the symptoms of unhealed trauma but in the School of Transformation we do the inner healing together So if you're ready to take the next step make sure you join me weekly on Zoom so covert narcissists cannot face their own feelings of shame they cannot look at themselves in their figurative mirror and notice the unworthiness that lurks in the shadows of their soul if they could if they could they would do what everyone else does right when we see something inside that we don't like that doesn't allow us to be our best selves well we do the inner work to heal well because they don't self-reflect and they refuse to see it they don't do the healing they prefer to project what they don't want to feel onto someone else i want to give you 5 different scenarios that you can examine to see if in your life somebody might be subtly causing you to carry their shame Number one is the forgetful celebration trap So imagine you're cleaning your house you're preparing for a party for somebody and then the narcissist walks in in a very wounded voice says something like: wow funny how you care about celebrating for someone else but never for me And so suddenly you went from being happy and excited to the event coming up to feeling this knot in your stomach and your mind starts racing like: do I really do everything for others and not this person When the reality is what really happened was that they were deflecting their own guilt about never celebrating your successes or doing anything for you And so they threw that in you by making you feel inattentive and all of a sudden the peace that you are feeling deflates like a popped balloon when what is happening is they're seeing your joy and noticing their unworthiness and so they have to do something to make you feel bad because in some weird way this helps them to not feel that shame number 3 is the emergency that never was in other words you're halfway through doing something and you're doing it well But the narcissist swoops in as if you can't handle it and they're going to help you quote unquote And while a part of you might want to say no I've got this you wind up allowing it feeling like you have to force gratitude and feeling some shame inside Well what's happening behind the curtain is narcissists refuse to feel their own panic and incompetence And so they create these rescue missions when what will happen is they will be patting themselves on the back for being your savior Take all the credit for everything that was done and you're left feeling extremely uncomfortable Number 4 is the too sensitive shutdown So maybe you share with them something that happened at work maybe a joke that your coworker said that stung you And instead of supporting your feelings the narcissist rolls their eyes and they're very dismissive of your feelings They might even say something like: you're always overreacting Goodness why can't you just lighten up