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0:00 - Intro
3:43 - Discuss Role Expectations
4:07 - Explore your spiritual and religious beliefs
4:34 - Identify any family of origin issues
4:57 - Learn communication and conflict resolution skills
5:16 - Develop personal, couple, and family goals

Premarital Counselling in Islam ★ Muslim Matrimonial Worldwide

I spend a lot of time listening to people’s marital problems, shattered dreams, and unfulfilled expectations.

I have come across young women whose husbands wouldn’t let them finish their education or their parents got them married before they completed their education.

Some wanted advice about dealing with in-laws.

And a mother cried about her son or her daughter's divorce.

In just the past few months during COVID, a lot of marriages in our community have ended in divorce.

I know many more couples are on the verge of separation.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes, divorce is a necessary, option.

But, why are so many marriages breaking up? It got me thinking; what needs to change to foster a culture of commitment and responsibility?

I started asking people if they have had premarital counselling.
None of the couples had premarital counselling before they got married.
No one had prepared them for the challenges of marriage, and many of their problems stemmed from issues that were not discussed before the wedding.
A recent study about divorce in the Muslim community found that none of the divorced men and women in the study had formal premarital counselling, other than a brief meeting with an Imam.
Many of them wished they had been offered more extensive premarital counselling, and that they had easier access to counselling services once they were married and experiencing problems.
It’s a sad testimony to the lack of marriage preparation in our Muslim community.
When a couple announces that there are going to get married, we rush to celebrate.
Have we stopped for a minute to consider how much preparation and support the new couple will need for this decision of a lifetime?
The journey of their life, how many couples truly know what they’re getting into when they’re getting ready for the celebrations of their wedding day?
The excitement of the new relationship often blinds them from comprehending the reality that marriage, which is a solemn contract in Islam.
How is it that we invest so much time, money, and energy preparing for the wedding celebration and not for the marriage?
We consider the smallest details for that special day; yet we ignore the essential reason for the celebration — a commitment to spend a lifetime with another human being.
As one woman said to me, “I had two months to plan for the wedding.
I was in love and didn’t have time to think about issues of the future.
Many couples think that they don’t need counselling before marriage and that conflicts could be avoided.
I believe a certain level of conflict is healthy and necessary, and premarital counselling can offer an opportunity to discuss potential problematic issues.
My sincere advice to all of you: consider premarital counselling before you make a commitment for marriage.
Let me quote according to Lisa Kift, a marriage and family therapist.
These are the points you need to remember:

1. Discuss role expectations
It’s important to talk about the responsibilities of each partner in marriage – who will take care of the finances, chores, etc? Discussing roles early on will clarify expectations for the future and this is very important.

2. Explore your spiritual and religious beliefs
What are your views on hijab, zabiha meat, and following a certain madhab (school of thought in Islam)? Discussing these issues ahead of time will help determine your compatibility and help you learn to manage different opinions.

3. Identify any family of origin issues
Much of what we learn about relationships comes from our parents and other family members.
Identifying our early influences and discussing our learned behaviours will help us understand how this might play out in marriage.

4. Learn communication and conflict resolution skills
Couples that communicate effectively can resolve conflicts more effectively.
This will allow you to spend less time arguing and more time understanding.

5. Develop personal, couple, and family goals
You are committing to share a life with someone. Isn’t it important to discuss what you want your future to look like together?
Where do you want to be in three years?
How many children do you desire to have?
Outlining a plan for life can be a wonderful way to learn about each other and to strengthen your commitment to each other.