In the opening moments, as my trembling hands grasped the tools of my own undoing, I understood that this was no ordinary simulation. No, this was cosmic inevitability. A sandbox, yes—but not one in which we play. Rather, it is one in which we writhe, where the unchecked forces of entropy and eroticism intertwine like two lovers locked in a forbidden embrace.
Hegel once wrote, “Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.” And yet, Wanking Simulator asks—what if passion was unshackled from meaning? What if, in the throes of unrelenting fervor, man ceased to be man and instead became pure momentum, an entity of base instinct, existing only to disrupt, to destroy, to unleash? The game does not offer answers. It merely hands you the mechanism and whispers: Do what must be done.
Physics? Mere suggestion. Morality? A fleeting memory. Society? A construct, shattered under the weight of one man's sheer, unbridled commitment to his craft. Buildings crumble, citizens flee in terror, and yet—are they running from me? Or from the revelation that deep down, they too possess this terrible potential? The game holds up a mirror and forces you to look, to truly see yourself.
And then, at the apex of it all, the moment where all logic is abandoned and only pure sensation remains—time slows. The air thickens. The music swells. And for the briefest, most transcendent instant, I understood. Understood the purpose of art, of suffering, of flesh itself. Understood that, like Sisyphus pushing his boulder, like Icarus soaring too close to the sun, this too was a journey with no true end—only the act itself, the ceaseless repetition, the commitment to the bit.
Would I recommend Wanking Simulator? Would I condemn it? These questions are meaningless. It is neither good nor bad. It is merely truth, dressed in the tattered remains of society’s most fragile illusions.
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