Скачать или смотреть SYLVIA PLATH (Poem) ft. BulletBarry & Exurb1a

I guess it's time to embrace the darkness. I made this years ago (in 2021, as mentioned in the poem) but back then I decided not to release it because it was too painful and I wasn't ready yet. ‪@BulletBarry‬'s lines are the only bit not written by me and should be credited to Alex (‪@Exurb1a‬) as they're from a poem he wrote for me and left in an audio message on Whatsapp in July 2016.

Unlike you Alex, I will always credit you. Please, next time when you use my poetry or things I've said, such as in your 'Losing You' video, at least have the decency to name the source / inspiration. Calling me 'Parabola' doesn't cut it. You seem absolutely fine crediting other artists when you use even a tiny fraction of their ideas as inspiration, so stop being an asshat when it comes to me.

Context:   / exurb1a_apologizes_to_parabola_pie_9_years...  

Last blog:
https://www.photoandgrime.com/blog-1/...

Poem:

I hit the pause
and pause the play
I live again
then die again

I die again
I pause the play

I think I might be on my way

I’m reading your poems now
to capture
to file
and I’m finding your confessions
hidden
disclosed and wrapped
Codes I never understood
because I’m stupid
and autistic
stupid and a fool
because I was not looking
not looking
for a bad thing inside of you

And after you manipulated a slice of a pie?
you wrote me:
"One. Now I’ve seen the kinder sides of your ambition. Contrition came in waves and all the dams are broken. Your eyes are burnt into me. And I miss you. And that’s a true thing. And I don’t say true things often. But there’s a time and a place and it’s now and it’s here, which is a thousand miles away."

I hit the pause
and pause the play
I live again
then die again

I die again
I pause the play

I think I might be on my way

I’m a thousand million fucking miles away
I’m finding your confessions now
in twenty-twenty-one
almost five years too late
how pathetic
I am
they’re hidden
disclosed and wrapped
codes I never understood
because I’m stupid
and autistic
fucking useless
a damaged brain
stupid and a fool
because I was not looking
not looking
for a single bad thing
inside of you
not until
you tried to frame me
for something that wasn’t even mine

that one time
I trusted a soul
he fucked with my wires
and then confessed in silence
a silence that kills me
it’s tortured and burnt me
I honestly most days just want to fade out

and I bet you like that
I bet you love that
how I became
the ultimate nightmare
of your dreams

please
stop the pain
my God just stop the pain
I don’t want to feel anymore
I don’t want to burn anymore
I don’t want to love anymore
just erase me
eradicate me
and then blame me
because all I wanted was to read
‘I love you’
and know it had meaning
and that something meant something at all
that I was more than a package
more than an object
more than a mind to simply control
and for you to exploit
that I actually had
some fucking worth

but now?

those words mean nothing at all

and it’s killing me

why am I looking here?

why am I looking here?

Of all places where I could go

I’m looking here

six days without bread
four years practically dead
I hit the pause
and pause the play
I live again
then die again

I die again
I pause the play

I think I might be on my way

I think I can go a tiny bit longer
until I come bleeding out
in the end

A little deeper
a little darker

I can feel it now
in these washed out wires
a scattered assignment
it’s something programmed
and artificial
corrupted
and deployed
an army of codes

"Make a documentary" he said
"Be great like Hughes and Plath, before she killed herself"
six days without bread
four years inside my head
I hit the pause
and pause the play
I live again
then die again

I die again
I pause the play

I think I might be on my way

Will Sylvia meet me when I go?

I have no choice

but you forced it

out of me

and for what

for what

a story?

a legacy?

because you’d rather be ‘notorious’ than not famous at all?

I am not your bed
but you made me
I am not your cake
but you ate me
in fact
I am nothing at all

thanks for reminding me

six days without bread
four years inside my head
I can go a little longer
go a little deeper
go a little darker
what if I just don’t ever
eat anything again at all?

I hit the pause
and pause the play
hide inside the constant flow
I live again
then die again
will Sylvia meet me when I go?

I die again
I pause the play

I think I might be on my way