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Pouncer is a one year old African Serval Cat whose hobbies include rabbits, mud, ceiling fans and smushing beetles. He's an avid hunter of toy fish. He's never caught anything else though. He is the most beloved and well dressed cat in the world today, and he will not sleep without wearing his pajamas getting tucked in with a kiss and a bedtime story while holding his teddy bear. Pouncer has fans across the globe, but he has eaten several. He proudly carries his teddy bear with him everywhere. He wears a thug jacket and cap to check out hot girls who walk past his house from the window because he thinks they will not recognize him. He can jump 16 feet without a run and once jumped so high he wound up in outer space for a week. Theologians believe Pouncer is a prophet who brings to humanity a message of love, bugs, feathers, a booped snoot and tummy rubs. His father Swaggers however is widely regarded as the Prince of Darkness. Swaggers was rescued as a baby in Wambam, Cameroon in Africa by his father, Jeff Leibowitz, a reporter for The New York Times. He was covering a story about the cruel irony of this mineral rich nation, as it's people live in squalor, having never been able to unearth these minerals without internecine conflict regarding their ownership.
Pouncer has 1529 spots, 63 stripes and seven rings on his tail. His ears and tail are detachable and get washed every night. Jeff has considered getting Pouncer a girlfriend as he has been humping his teddy bear quite rigorously of late. Then he realized he was in the same boat n figured they might as well suffer together. Pouncer is apolitical though his hair color is the same color as Trump's. He uses a litter box but also enjoys urinating on his father's clothing. He will not sleep without holding his dad's hand, and he wakes him up every morning at 2:31am to play. Jeff was once dreaming of making out with a hot 27 year old Latina. He was about to engage in acrobatic sex with her only to wake up and find it was Pouncer sticking his tongue in his mouth. Jeff was very disappointed and described the taste of rat as disgusting. The following week he dreamed of gargling mouthwash that tasted like ammonia. But he woke up to find it was really Pouncer pissing in his mouth. Trimming Pouncer's nails is much like fighting in Iraq. Pouncer refuses to bite Jeff because he is filled with bitterness and whiskey. Pouncer encourages Jeff to rest up by putting rabbit body parts on his belly so he can wake up feeling loved. Pouncer loves you very much. He did not eat that parrot.
#servals #cats #funnycats