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Why Henry Cavill is so Cute 😍

Many actors are attractive — it’s kind of a requirement for the job, unless they enjoy playing escaped convicts or prospectors. But there’s a tipping point at which beauty tilts into incredibility. For example, if you passed Ryan Gosling on the street, you could conceivably think he was a doctor or construction worker or teacher: a regular guy who just happens to be hotter than industrial steam. On the other hand, if you passed Henry Cavill on the street, you’d think, “that guy must be a model or an actor” if your brain remembered to function at all. And so, Henry, congratulations on your face, but I’m sorry to inform you, you make every role you play seem preposterous.

This isn’t an attack on attractive people. Hell, some of my favorite people to stare at are attractive. One of the most captivating actors working is a member of the tribe. But acting is about fooling us into thinking you’re someone else, and Henry Cavill’s features are too symmetrical to belong to anyone other than an actor. Maybe things would be different if his cheekbones were less pronounced; his jawline a few degrees less square. Take other actors who are considered attractive: Chris Hemsworth’s nose is slightly too wide, and Jason Momoa has mildly asymmetrical eyebrows. Flaws! Accessibility! And don’t get me started on the younger Hemsworth. Psh. My mouth would scarcely go dry if I asked him for the time.

But Hemsworth and Momoa both have particular vibes (vikingtonian?) allowing certain snobs to say, “I just don’t see it” with a veneer of believability. Henry Cavill defies rejection. Even if he doesn’t do much for you, you can’t look at him and say, “that’s not one of the most symmetrical fucking faces I’ve ever seen.” He’s not a bad actor, but it’s impossible to buy anything he’s trying to convince us he is. He can pretend to be fishermen, dukes, reporters, and spies, but this is not the face of any fisherman, spy, or duke on planet Earth.