Crossfire Can't CRANK? (Part 1 - Beached Whale for a YEAR?)

For this weekend's "Beached Whale Special" we have a Euro/Domestic cross-breed: a 2004 Chrysler Crossfire towed all the way from Indiana...10 hours away!

It has been off the road for over a YEAR, ever since in intermittently stalled out, got the battery replaced at a shop, and turned into a complete NO CRANK...

Several modules are offline, but the engine computer is online, and not setting ANY codes!
Weird...

Let's see if the engine can even turn over and go from there. Get out the popcorn!

TOPDON TORNADO 90000 BEAST CHARGER:
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KINGBOLEN K10 (Updated THINKTOOL PROS) **ONLY $940 with COUPON!!**
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AMAZING TEST LIGHT:
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ASTRO AMP CLAMP:
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Enjoy!
Ivan