Скачать или смотреть I was sleepless all night because my husband was upset

I was sleepless all night because my husband was upset.

I couldn’t sleep just because I spilled some water on the floor and my husband commented on it.

I am 30 years old, married with one child. Earlier this year, I quit my IT job after being diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. I have struggled with this illness for many months, trying various methods—taking medication, going to temples, meditating—but I still have negative thoughts and dread waking up every morning.

I am terrified of being criticized by others. Even if someone makes a casual remark like, “Why did you do it this way?” or “Why don’t you think like this?”—or if my husband says something just because I spilled water on the floor—it can keep me awake all night. I constantly ask myself why I even exist. If living means being hated like this, I’d rather disappear.

I’m also very afraid of going outside and socializing. Since my illness began, I’ve become more withdrawn and no longer know how to interact with people. I feel like I’ve gone from being an energetic, quick-witted, talkative person to someone absent-minded and quiet.

Right now, I work as a kitchen assistant at a vegetarian restaurant to earn some income, but my mental state is unstable—it fluctuates up and down—so I plan to quit at the end of the month. I feel lost, unsure of what to do with my life. Sometimes, I just want to disappear. I can’t earn money, my health is deteriorating, and I don’t take care of my child daily (I don’t enjoy being around my child because they’re quite mischievous).

What should I do next? For the past year, I haven’t been able to contribute financially, so my husband has been frustrated with me. I had a history of depression back in middle school. I used to cut myself, harming my own body. My father also has anxiety disorder, depression, and symptoms of psychosis. My mother has obsessive-compulsive disorder, and my sister suffered from depression for a while.

In terms of qualifications, I have an N2 certification in Japanese and 5–6 years of experience working in IT. But for some reason, just thinking about having to go outside and work makes me feel utterly exhausted. Please give me some advice.

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