If you ever felt alone, this song is for you. ❤
I’ve been lying broken on the ground many times this week. One of my dearest friends has died, and I don’t really know what to say.
(If you knew Nasia and this is your first time hearing about it, I am so sorry.)
I’ve been friends with her for a little over a year, but it’s funny how it feels like forever. (and yet not long enough) She was one of the most sweet, kind, and loving people you could ever meet, and I am so lucky and thankful to have known her. She had a rare spinal disease which severely limited her ability to do simple things that we probably take for granted, but you wouldn’t know that by the way she lived. She was brave and honest about her struggles, but she never dwelled on them and was always focusing on how she could make other’s lives better. She would surprise me all the time with sweet fun pictures and encouraging emails, and if you ever told her something she would remember it and make sure things were going well. (Like if I told her my brothers were sick with a cold, she would send little soup and hug emojis and activity ideas for them to play until I’d reassure her that they were fully healthy again.) She had a great imagination and an adventurous spirit, and often brightened my day with ideas for her miraculous story where we and a few friends were different heroes. She was always focused on having a positive attitude and keeping bad thoughts at bay, but she would also listen if you were feeling sad and you could always count on her to cheer you up if you were having a bad day.
I love her so much and I miss her terribly. 💔💕
How do you go on when something so tragic has happened?
Even though I knew she was sick, this was pretty sudden and hit me really hard. One of the reasons this video took me so long (aside from crying too hard to see what I was doing) is because I wasn’t ready to write something for this, but I wanted to. I’ve actually been saving this song for a while and now just seemed like the perfect time.
One of the hardest things about losing someone, is how alone and isolated it can make you feel. Here you are, walking around with a giant hole in your chest, but no one else can see it. Any pain is like that really. We all have hurts and troubles, and it might seem like nobody knows or cares.
But that’s where this song comes in.
You might feel like the darkness is pushing down all around, about to swallow you up, but sometimes all it takes is one friend, one little light to brighten your heart and carry you through till you see the sun break through again. Nasia was that to me. She would always wash the loneliness from my heart and made me believe that things were going to be okay.
Even though no one could ever fill her place, I am so grateful to the friends and my family who have held me through this rough week.
It can be tempting to withdraw from others, and hard to be vulnerable, but there is such a huge relief that comes from knowing someone understands and cares about you, and will stay with you even in your darkest place. The second verse is kind of about that - how every time you call out it’s worth it, because even if they can’t change your circumstance, you know you’re a little less alone.
“From across the silence” though has a bigger meaning to me. In times like this, when faced with something so out of our control and so devastatingly unfair, or anything we struggle with, we tend to cry out to God and wonder if he’s really there.
But he is there and he does hear you. If you are going through something, let me encourage you, implore you, to call out to God. He is listening, and he is the best friend you could ever have. He will carry you through every dark place and give you strength when you can’t stand. He offers you love and hope and purpose and will help you rise again. (The same power that brought Jesus back to life can be a part of your story as well.)
Now you may be thinking, that’s all great, but where was God’s power when my friend died? If God is so powerful why is he letting bad things happen to me and all the suffering that goes on in the world?
For that I have two answers:
1. The world is broken because of sin, not God. God designed the world to be perfect, beautiful, and good, but he also gave people a free will to make their own choices, and when people sinned it made things like disease, war, and death a reality he never wanted.
2. God knows more than we do and sometimes he allows things to happen knowing the good that will come out of it, and he has the power and promises to make all things work out for the good of those who love him, even if we don’t understand how yet.
The world is messed up, but that’s why Jesus came to save it. To save you. To save Nasia. He knows the pain and suffering we’re going through and wants to give us the hope and promise of an eternity in heaven with him where there is no more sadness, illness, pain, or death. 💜✨
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