WHY DON'T YOU PLAY THEM? with Lyrics - Scott the Woz

The song that plays in the middle of Scott the Woz's "You're Not an RPG Guy" Christmas special.

CREDITS:
Original Video: You're Not an RPG Guy: A Scott The Woz Christmas - Scott The Woz (   • You're Not an RPG Guy: A Scott The Wo...  ) (   / scottthewoz  )
Produced, Mixed and Mastered by Garrett Williamson (   / garartstudios  )
Lyrics by Scott Wozniak
Bass Programming and Keys by Garrett Williamson
Guitars by Chase Akers
Drums by Scott Williamson
Saxophone by Mark Douthit
Female Vocals by Emma Rose Williamson
Male Vocals by Zach Frazier and Garrett Williamson
Extra Crowd Vocals by Tracie Williamson
——————
It’s not FlingSmash, Geist, or Burnout Crash,
Not Mario Party 6 or Ultra Smash!
Neither Clubhouse Games or Wii Fit Plus,
Nor Family Feud on SNE-US!

All the games I’ve played, whether good or bad,
Have tropes in common, my favorite doo-dads!
They may be rushed or plain or flawed,
But they ain't RPGs, oh thank God!

Are my tastes just bad?
Am I the one to blame?
Or is it RPGs that are
DUMB and LAME?

(No!)

(Why don’t you play them?)
They just take so damn long to complete.
(Why don’t you play them?)
Sixty hours just to rinse and repeat!

(But you could grind for years just to beat that boss, ohhhh...)
Why waste all this time on just one game?
(Why don’t you play them?)

I just don’t like them!
I just want to play stupid Nintendo games...
...that aren’t this stupid!
...why don’t I like them? Okay!

Turn-based battles and too much text!
I’d rather be out not having sex!
Menu clutter and useless stats,
And random encounters can KISS my ASS!

No gameplay ‘til hours in,
Combat ready! How did I win?
The same thing happens... over again.
And that there fun part comes back when?

I miss one thing, and now I’m lost.
That one inch of text really meant a lot?
There's a shop with items I can’t afford.
So grind for money! You won’t be bored.

I’m tired, I’m scared, I’m not having fun.
There’s no other way this can be spun!
What do I do? What do I check?
It’s an RPG. What did I expect?

[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK]

(Why don’t you play them?)
(They’re so good!)
Listen, guys...
(You can't have opinions!)
(Why don’t you play them?)
They’re not my style.
(START A NEW FILE.)
(Why don't you, why, why don't you—)