Sorry bout the jerkiness; resulted from slowing down the text, it scrolled down in a blur otherwise.
From the end of the credits:
Ode to the Uknown Tester
When you're ripping off the plastic wrap, and you pop the CD in
And the install, it goes perfectly, and the game is playing like a dream.
The framerate runs as smooth as glass, the audio's like life
And you're not yet halfway through the game when you're halfway through the night
Thirty solid hours later, you're going strong and so's the game,
Then you raise your head in wonder. "God bless the project team!"
CGW and Computer Gaming voted to have the project lead deified;
They can't praise the AI well enough; give the coders the Nobel Prize!
The designers went to Hollywood; they're signing the movie deal
While the artists are deciding how to make the comic book real.
From the video wizards and the rockin' musician everyone wants more
So they're releasing a new CD, with extra tracks and a brand new score.
They're the ones who did the work, and they're the ones who deserve the praise;
For all the sterling features, the polygon count and the renderer's speedy ways.
But they didn't perfect it all alone, without their loyal black gang crew
And soon as something don't work quite right, well, then we receive our due.
Why didn't we find, in our hours of testing, the crash that ruined your game?
How could a moron not notice the interface, the AI, the art, they complain!
Well, we were a bit busy, with a hundred other crashes, while simultaneously checking
That the new feature the programmers snuck in at beta wasn't the cause of the wrecking
We noticed that interface - we flagged it too! There just wasn't time,
To get it working smoothly, so those bugs got killed
If you think it's slow now, on your 166, try running the unoptimized debugger version
On a machine that makes barely the 'minimum specs' born of a producer's delusions!
We tested the game till we were asleep at our screens then gave it another try or two.
The checklists got longer as the game just got slower and they want the evaluations by noon!
We're torn between laughing and weeping when we see all the bugs in reviews
We go down our checklists and reread the database .. yeah, we caught that one too!
But there's a hundred different video chips, and the department only owns eight;
We got here early this morning, to watch the bug count rise and we'll stay testing late.
But there's a special pride, that goes with the job, as the program for the first time runs
Eight hours straight without a single crash, and the gameplay is finally fun.
We can outsmart the AI on any level, and we know the game better than the team
We can fly circles around them (upside down!); we've memorized every speck of terrain
We know all the cheats, intentional or not; with a keystroke, we bring the game to its knees
We're the backwater experts no one wants to hear from, deadly honest about what we see.
So we'll never get rich, we'll never get famous, to watch credits far enough through
To get to the QA department, the hardworking playtesters, the underpaid black gang crew
When we've hit post-ship, there's more to be done: check the patch, check OEMs, help CS.
And with a little luck we'll still be employed by the time the next project starts test.
The producers are specing the sequel; the execs are exploiting the franchise;
But I'm making plans to make management squirm: next project, we unionize!
*Ode to the Unknown Tester by Sara Verrilli*
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