Our response to anxiety rather than anxiety itself can give insomnia the oxygen it needs to survive

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Anxiety itself doesn’t have to be a barrier to sleep. In fact, quite often, it’s our reaction to anxious thoughts that can make sleep more difficult. As soon as we try to fight or avoid anxiety, we are more likely to get really caught up in the anxiety struggle — and this is when sleep can become a lot more difficult.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) often encourages us to challenge, evaluate, and perhaps even try to modify our thoughts — and that’s based on the premise that many of the most challenging thoughts we have might not be entirely accurate.

Here’s the thing, though — our thoughts don’t really matter all that much because, at the end of the day, they’re thoughts.

Thoughts can definitely make us feel uncomfortable, but they cannot harm us and they do not have control over our behaviors. So, it doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense to put effort into trying to control them — especially when we consider how much effort this often requires!

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Thoughts do not control the quality of our lives — our actions do. Our behaviors are, ultimately, what determine the kind of life we are going to live — we can engage in behaviors that move us away from the kind of life we want to live or we can engage in behaviors that move us toward the kind of life we want to live. And we can do that even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts.

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Instead of trying to control our thoughts — instead of trying to get rid of all the difficult thoughts and feelings and emotions we have as human beings — it can be more helpful to control our behaviors. And this is where focusing our attention onto the function of our thoughts (what we do in response to them) rather than their form (what they’re telling us) can be helpful.

Instead of disputing our thoughts, instead of trying to think positive, instead of evaluating our thoughts for accuracy, instead of fighting them, instead of trying to avoid them, what if we simply make some space for them?

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We just cannot get rid of difficult thoughts and feelings and emotions — and yet, we do not need to because our actions and behaviors are what determine whether we live the kind of life we want to live. The more actions we take that move us toward the life we want, the richer our lives become.

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The more we can live life in alignment with our personal values, the less we might struggle with the more difficult aspects of our lives because they will start to consume less of our attention and have less influence over us.

If we can repeatedly practice living the life we want to live regardless of what’s going on in our mind, and regardless of how we sleep, challenges such as anxiety and insomnia might start to become less influential and less problematic.

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My name is Martin Reed and I am the founder of Insomnia Coach®. I offer sleep coaching services that give people with insomnia all the skills and support they need to enjoy better sleep for the rest of their lives. I also offer a free two-week sleep training course for people with insomnia at https://insomniacoach.com/sleep-train...

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All content found on the Insomnia Coach YouTube channel is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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