Скачать или смотреть The Narcissist Confuses Intensity for Love

Intensity is often mistaken for intimacy in narcissistic relationships — and that confusion is dangerous. Intensity feels powerful: strong chemistry, emotional highs, urgency, and closeness that seems profound. But intensity is driven by volatility, unpredictability, and emotional extremes — not safety or consistency.

Intimacy, by contrast, is stable. It exists even when you’re apart. It doesn’t disappear when conflict arises, and it doesn’t require proximity to remain respectful. When affection only shows up during closeness but turns into hostility, withdrawal, or cruelty at a distance, that’s not intimacy — it’s emotional control.

The brain can become attached to intensity because it activates stress and reward systems simultaneously, creating a bond that feels deep but is actually dysregulating. Understanding the difference between intensity and intimacy is often the moment survivors realize they weren’t craving love — they were trying to regulate an unstable emotional environment.

Clarity doesn’t erase the pain, but it does restore self-trust.

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