Narcissist: From Mommy-Partner to Fantasy World - And Back

The narcissist is a 2 years old forever trapped in the no man's land between Mommy and the Big World out there.

The good enough mother allows her child to separate from her, take on reality, and individuate even as she helps it to maintain object constancy by always acting as a "safe base". The narcissist's mother refuses to let him go because she is insecure, selfish, depressed, parentifying, or dependent.

Consequently, the adult narcissist pendulates between a maternal figure in a shared fantasy and a pathological narcissistic space (his fantastic paracosm).

As he transitions between these two states, the narcissist experiences infantile helplessness. While in either of these two states, he feels at first grandiose and manic and then constricted, dysregulated, and aggressive.

To revert from one state to another, the narcissist uses four stratagems:

1. Termination (e.g, divorce, breakup, relocation, resigning from a job);

2. Deception (for instance: cheating or faking);

3. Undermining intimacy and trust, including by withholding and indifference;

4. Persecutory object fantasies, rendering people around him his enemies, wardens, or adversaries best avoided.

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