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More on unconscious Couples collusive fit dynamics of attraction


By ROSIE IFOULD (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/searc...) , 1 August 2011


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Most of us take on set roles in our relationships whether we realise it or not. We like to think that every relationship is unique. Experts have identified six different ‘couple types’ that we all fall into.


Psychologists say, identifying the type of couple type we are — or would like to be — holds the key to a happy relationship and being able to understand our own needs and those of our partner.


The kind of couple we find ourselves in is largely influenced by what we’ve experienced growing up. We can’t help but take on board how our parents behaved.


Often, we recreate the roles of our mothers and fathers. If you grew up seeing your father worship your mother, you might expect the same from your relationships. 


CAT AND DOG


This couple fight constantly. They can be screaming at each other in front of you and you say: “Why don’t you split up?” And they turn in unison and ask you: “Are you mad?”


They enjoy the cycle of fight and make up (often accompanied by passionate sex). If one partner has an affair or does something to disrupt the trust, this becomes the relationship from hell.


THRILL OF THE CHASE


The pursuer/distancer couple, in which one partner is in pursuit of the other, trying to secure their attention and affection. One pretends they don’t want to know and the other enjoys the thrill of the chase. They take it in turns to play the pursuer or distancer. Whenever one senses the other is losing interest, they will switch. 


What drives this couple is a fear of being seen as needy. They can develop a dependency on one another.


PARENT AND CHILD


"I’ve three children … including the one I’m married to!" They feel responsible for nurturing their partner, who they regard as less capable. It may occur when one partner becomes vulnerable — for instance, after they are ill or lose their job.


The parent partner is attracted because they feel that in caring for this person, they have found a purpose in life. Parenting isn’t just about nurturing, it’s also about control.


IDOL AND FAN


Everything is black and white for this couple. One person is all good. Everything about them is wonderful and the other person worships them. One adopts the role of worshipper to boost the other’s self-esteem. 


The idol may collude in telling the fan they are inferior and will never find anyone else to love them. This kind of relationship can be short-lived because there’s no room for either to develop.


BABES IN THE WOOD


These are two individuals who recognise great similarities in each other. It’s a pattern typically found in new relationships or where the partners may feel insecure. Perhaps they’ve been hurt in the past, so security appeals. 


Often described as the best of friends, with a strong, united front. They can be so focused on each other that it’s difficult for anyone else to penetrate their world, including friends. 


THE GROWN-UPS


This is a functional relationship between two mature people at ease with their differences and with little interest in conflict. They are sensible and accommodating. These two will never have to face their dark side and so their relationship may lack a little fire.


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