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I've got a 1960 broken down Chevy
It's an old car, but don't be mistaken
Some say it's a classic but I know it ain't worth shit
It's as about useless as tits on bacon

I've got a 1961 hollow body Gibson
I must admit it looks really cool
But it needs a neck reset not to mention new frets
It's about as useless as tits on a bull

(CHORUS)
They're as useless as tits on bacon
As mush fun as a bad case of the runs
It's like a car that won't start
They didn't mean to break your heart
But right now I'm all but done

I live on a hill in a little town called Springville
It's an old Mormon settlement
We don't got a bar but we got a Walmart
We're about as useless as a can full of excrement

I've got an expensive ex-wife she bugs me day and night
But it was with her who I thought I'd grow old
For ten years she nagged and bitched until one day she finally split
She as about as useful as a hat full of assholes

(CHORUS)

I go to work everyday sit at my desk and earn my pay
No one really cares what I do
The hours ain't half bad, sure ain't the worst job I've ever had
But I'm as useless as a dick on a mule!

(CHORUS)

All Lyrics and Music ©2008 The Utah County Swillers

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